Swamp RimWorld 2019

mister d · Post by **mister d** » Fri Nov 30, 2018 8:47 am

Was Kranepool skipping?

duff · Post by **duff** » Fri Nov 30, 2018 9:24 am

rass wrote: Fri Nov 30, 2018 8:28 am Can we just trade duff for some beer?

I should have finished you off when I had the chance. Go heal that bruise.

Nonlinear FC · Post by **Nonlinear FC** » Fri Nov 30, 2018 9:47 am

Can we banish him into my belly? It's been a minute since I've had some Man Meat.

duff · Post by **duff** » Fri Nov 30, 2018 9:54 am

I will share rass after I beat him to death. You know is cowardly ass is going to be like butter.

bapo! · Post by **bapo!** » Fri Nov 30, 2018 10:13 am

That ibex was asking for it.

I love the overly detailed description of the rass/duff fight. It helps me to visualize what happened. Duff tried to use his powerful head to slam rass, but missed. Indeed.

Also enjoy the ongoing trope of somebody misbehaving, getting the shit beat out of him by the rest of the group, then all is forgotten. I'm just glad that I wasn't stabbed.

Post by **brian** » Fri Nov 30, 2018 10:56 am

We should treat bapo like our government does Saudi billionaires who murder journalists. A stern glance and a firm warning to not do that again (unless the guy is really asking for it *wink*

rass · Post by **rass** » Fri Nov 30, 2018 10:57 am

duff wrote: Fri Nov 30, 2018 9:54 am I will share rass after I beat him to death. You know is cowardly ass is going to be like butter.

filet man-gnon

Johnny Carwash · Post by **Johnny Carwash** » Fri Nov 30, 2018 1:42 pm

Looks like things are coming down overwhelmingly on the "fuck kranepool" side, meaning bapo stays for now. Guessing that the one "Yes" vote came from bapo himself out of guilt.

bapo! · Post by **bapo!** » Fri Nov 30, 2018 2:22 pm

Johnny Carwash wrote: Fri Nov 30, 2018 1:42 pmGuessing that the one "Yes" vote came from bapo himself out of guilt.

Could have been Kranepool. Or a PETA activist.

I'm rather shocked by the results. How many animals do I have to kill to get kicked out of this place?

BSF21 · Post by **BSF21** » Fri Nov 30, 2018 2:24 pm

15-1 in favor of Fuck Kranepool. Trump says it's razor thin and we've been busing people in over the border to vote.

Pruitt · Post by **Pruitt** » Fri Nov 30, 2018 2:39 pm

rass wrote: Fri Nov 30, 2018 10:57 am
duff wrote: Fri Nov 30, 2018 9:54 am I will share rass after I beat him to death. You know is cowardly ass is going to be like butter.
filet man-gnon

Shish Ke Bob

sancarlos · Post by **sancarlos** » Fri Nov 30, 2018 5:42 pm

Nonlinear FC wrote: Fri Nov 30, 2018 9:47 am It's been a minute since I've had some Man Meat.

Begging to be a sig line. NTTAWWT.

Johnny Carwash · Post by **Johnny Carwash** » Tue Dec 04, 2018 8:11 am

Alright, so based on the last poll, the sentiment was overwhelmingly in favor of bapo! staying with the colony despite his occasional murderous impulses. Let's see how this plays out.

As early fall sets in, we're hit with a cold snap on top of out existing volcanic winter. Temperatures drop into the single digits, killing off our crops. Fortunately, we have large stockpiles of food, at least for now. Hopefully, this will will hold for the duration of these adverse circumstances.

Soon enough, we're hit with an eclipse on top of everything else. It's like everything that involves things being dark and cold has happened to us.

By the way, our former pet sloth Donner, who had returned to the wild, has now completely left the vicinity, apparently permanently. Fuck that useless animal.

Johnny Carwash · Post by **Johnny Carwash** » Tue Dec 04, 2018 8:12 am

Eventually the cold snap and eclipse come to an end, but winter is setting in and our food stockpiles are starting to run low.

rass's mom, Shary, hits on Nonlinear, but he coldly shoots her down:

Shary flirted with Nonlinear by jokingly half-complimenting his hopes and dreams. Nonlinear turned his back.

chedda finishes research on Microelectronics, enabling us to build a communications console for remotely contacting allies and traders.

bapo's psychopathic rage has passed for now, but he's still far removed from full sanity. His withdrawal symptoms flare up and he goes about thrashing his room. He finally collapses and everyone else scrambles to fix the damages while he quietly rests.

Another attack, this time a "mechanoid," which you might remember can be highly dangerous. Fortunately it's just one basic model this time. Shary releases our trained alpacas as a distraction and Nonlinear lands a precise rifle shot that destroys the mech's reactor.

With the volcanic winter having persisted for nearly half a year* now, our food stockpiles are running low. This isn't helped by chedda going on an eating binge, mad because he is a night owl working during the day.

*A "year" in this game is four seasons of 15 days each. So, not like a real year.

Johnny Carwash · Post by **Johnny Carwash** » Tue Dec 04, 2018 8:14 am

bapo's "issues" flare up again and he goes on another killing spree, slaughtering out two of our three pet alpacas. That helps calms him down for now.

But then bapo insults rass and they fight! rass pulls an upset by managing not to collapse, and wins! See the log below, in reverse chronological order:

Rass nipped bapo with his teeth, biting his torso and leaving grisly tears in the skin.
Bapo stumbled while trying to bite rass with his teeth.
Rass struck bapo.
Rass struck bapo in the right leg without emotion.
Rass used his sturdy head to slam bapo, injuring his left leg and left femur.
Bapo compared rass to a jaguar. This drove rass into a rage and he began a fight!

Our colony's overall mental state must not be very good right now, because now chedda goes on an insulting spree, following kranepool around while saying mean things:

Chedda flagrantly insulted kranepool's clothing choices.
Chedda hurled invective about kranepool's hopes and dreams.
Chedda called kranepool a tiger.
Chedda called kranepool's father an antelope.

rass · Post by **rass** » Tue Dec 04, 2018 8:39 am

Shary flirted with Nonlinear by jokingly half-complimenting his hopes and dreams. Nonlinear turned his back.

Bapo compared rass to a jaguar. This drove rass into a rage and he began a fight!

Did bapo! just tell me I have my mother's eyes and I took it the wrong way?

Johnny Carwash · Post by **Johnny Carwash** » Tue Dec 04, 2018 12:48 pm

Quick further update:

We're kind of in a lull now. The volcanic winter persists, but it's gotten warm enough to grow crops again, and our food shortage issues have been alleviated for now.

So, one thing I wanted to bring attention to eventually: In the rock outcropping near our base, there's this big pre-existing building whose contents are unknown. We've now excavated fully around it in the process of mining resources.

But, there's something vaguely and ominously foreboding about it, which we noticed early on.

Put up a new poll. What should we do?

govmentchedda · Post by **govmentchedda** » Tue Dec 04, 2018 12:53 pm

I'm MVP of RimWorld this week. You're welcome, settlers.

Nonlinear FC · Post by **Nonlinear FC** » Tue Dec 04, 2018 1:22 pm

First off, I'm just playing hard to get with rass' mom. Imma get all up in there.

Secondly, let's open that dusty bitch up!

(Not a comment about rass' mom's vagina.)

bapo! · Post by **bapo!** » Tue Dec 04, 2018 1:39 pm

New ground rule: No more talk about hopes and dreams. Only bad things come of this.

Once again, this is staying true to my real-life Swamp experience. Walk in out of the blue, receive a warm welcome, immediately start complaining about everybody and killing animals until everybody wants to beat me into unconsciousness.

*A "year" in this game is four seasons of 15 days each. So, not like a real year.

Eff that. Can you imagine how awful it would be to make small-talk with your neighbor?

Neighbor: Gonna be a long winter this year.

You: Yup.

Neighbor: The Farmer's Almanac says that it might be almost three weeks long.

Now imagine having that conversation every 60 days.

Post by **brian** » Tue Dec 04, 2018 1:44 pm

If we're not opening ancient relics, why even bother playing the game?

Nonlinear FC · Post by **Nonlinear FC** » Tue Dec 04, 2018 2:20 pm

brian wrote: Tue Dec 04, 2018 1:44 pm If we're not opening ancient relics, why even bother playing the game?

So sayeth the poll.

A_B · Post by **A_B** » Tue Dec 04, 2018 2:25 pm

LEEEEROOOOOOOYYY JENKIIIIIIINNNNNSSS!

bapo! · Post by **bapo!** » Wed Dec 05, 2018 7:29 pm

Cry "Havoc!" and let slip the ibex of war!

A week later, and I'm still giggling at this.

Shower thought: I joined the game late, came in and just wrecked everything and made everybody uncomfortable, will probably be killed or sent packing soon. I'm pretty much Anthony Scaramucci. If this is my legacy, I'm okay with it.

Johnnie · Post by **Johnnie** » Thu Dec 06, 2018 12:34 am

There's a board game called Cry Havoc.

I have not played it.

Johnny Carwash · Post by **Johnny Carwash** » Thu Dec 06, 2018 7:49 am

Alright, so the unanimous decision of the Swamp was to open the ominous "danger room" in the vicinity of the base. We gather with arms ready and designate a spot to breach the wall. Let's see if we regret this. Here we go...

rass opens the wall and here we have...a couple of the attack mechanoids like we counted before, surrounded by a number of mysterious coffin-like objects.

We quickly duck back out and take a position to the side of the entrance in the hopes of drawing them out so we can concentrate our fire. The first one comes after us and we bring it down in a hail of lead. The second one remains inside, so we quickly rush in and try to overwhelm it before it can react. We destroy it as well, but not before it gets off a few shots of its laser, wounding bapo and blowing off Jerloma's left leg. We rush them both to the medical bay, but they should be OK. We'll come back to this place later.

Johnny Carwash · Post by **Johnny Carwash** » Thu Dec 06, 2018 7:50 am

Finally, the volcanic winter comes to an end and temperatures return to normal, hopefully stabilizing our food situation.

Just as things are starting to get back to normal, one of our other antagonists, the South Evebium Libertarian Unification, launches a raid. Look at these hipster fucks.

They come in the middle of the night and close in on the base before we can take a proper position, forcing us to shoot it out in the open. We drive them off but the damage is significant: chedda is shot 10 times, Nonlinear 9, kranepool 6, and duff 5. Fortunately gunshots in this game are somehow not that huge of a deal unless you get really unlucky, so it looks like all will survive.

Believe it or not, being shot 10 times put chedda in kind of a bad mood and so once he's out of his hospital bed, he goes on a smokeleaf binge.

With Pruitt gone, Nonlinear is our best remaining doctor, though his skills are relatively mediocre. I try to see about having him fit Jerloma with a prosthetic leg, but the attempts "fails catastrophically" causing multiple injuries over his body along with an infection. He'll survive, though. Maybe try again later.

Johnny Carwash · Post by **Johnny Carwash** » Thu Dec 06, 2018 7:50 am

So there's still the business of these mysterious coffins in that danger room. After recovering from the last fight, we head back up there to take a closer look. I have bapo do the honors of opening the first one as punishment for his past transgressions.

And, holy shit. A half-dozen people instantaneously emerge from the pods and set about vomiting all over the place, along with a bunch of freaky alien cockroach things scurrying about. Fortunately, they (and the bugs) aren't hostile, with the exception of the fat guy with the spiked mohawk named Hogni, who despite being cryogenically frozen for a hundred years is still high on cocaine and pulls a shotgun on us.

We quickly dispatch Hogni. Three of the other survivors, once they've stopped vomiting, simply walk out and head on their way off the map. The two remaining, Rin and Merritt, are somehow wounded, so we take them back to the base to recuperate. Merrit unfortunately dies; Rin survives but we send her away due to some psychopathic tendencies. I have us kill off the bugs because they were creeping me out and wasn't sure what they might do.

So now we have a nice big new building, if you can excuse the dirt, robot debris, human corpses, bug corpses, blood, vomit, and slime. Could make a nice rec room.

Stay tuned...

Pruitt · Post by **Pruitt** » Thu Dec 06, 2018 7:51 am

Johnny Carwash wrote: Thu Dec 06, 2018 7:49 am We destroy it as well, but not before it gets off a few shots of its laser, wounding bapo and blowing off Jerloma's left leg. We rush them both to the medical bay, but they should be OK. We'll come back to this place later.

"OK" being a relative term I suppose...

rass · Post by **rass** » Thu Dec 06, 2018 8:33 am

Johnny Carwash wrote: Thu Dec 06, 2018 7:50 amWith Pruitt gone, Nonlinear is our best remaining doctor, though his skills are relatively mediocre. I try to see about having him fit Jerloma with a prosthetic leg, but the attempts "fails catastrophically" causing multiple injuries over his body along with an infection. He'll survive, though. Maybe try again later.

Maybe if he stopped licking our wounds to clean them?

duff · Post by **duff** » Thu Dec 06, 2018 8:41 am

But the wounds taste so good.

bapo! · Post by **bapo!** » Thu Dec 06, 2018 9:59 am

Now I'm reminded of Ted Williams, and I'm angry all over again.

Johnny Carwash · Post by **Johnny Carwash** » Thu Dec 06, 2018 10:03 am

Johnny Carwash wrote: Thu Dec 06, 2018 7:50 am So now we have a nice big new building, if you can excuse the dirt, robot debris, human corpses, bug corpses, blood, vomit, and slime.

I could have made a Penn Station joke here and now I'm kicking myself.

Johnny Carwash · Post by **Johnny Carwash** » Mon Dec 10, 2018 7:30 am

Soon enough we get another refugee. Hey look, it's popular Swamp lawyer, The Sybian!

Syb was a pyromaniac as a child and burned down his family home, before growing up to become a ruthless mercenary bodyguard. He has what is described as an "unusual" interest in drugs. He is also still a pyromaniac, which should totally not be a problem in a base made of wood in the middle of a forest.

Syb's pursuers are our old nemesis the Armadillos of Torment, 7 of them, all carrying grenades. This could get ugly.

bapo has a mental breakdown on the way to the defensive position and collapses on the floor. We'll have to fight them one man down.

The Armadillos' idea of bringing only grenades turns out to be a dumb tactic, as we are able to shoot them far before they come into grenade throwing range. We easily dispatch most of them, but one manages get close enough to lob a grenade which explodes near chedda, blowing out his left lung. He'll survive but that can't be good for the cardio.

Johnny Carwash · Post by **Johnny Carwash** » Mon Dec 10, 2018 7:30 am

After that brief fight and the addition of Syb, the rest of the summer proceeds without major incident, aside from a few more bapo tantrums. Maybe fall will be similarly tranquil.

Or not. Here comes a raid by the Black Elk Biko, a primitive tribe with bows and spears but there are an even 10 of them. (And yes, one was randomly named Shrew.) They descend on us quickly before we can get a good position to defend. Jerloma, still hobbling on one leg, has the misfortune to get caught out in the open and takes a number of arrows to the back as he scrambles to catch up with the others.

The fight gets ugly early. rass, unsurprisingly, collapses after a single wound. Jerloma follows, dropping after an accumulation of arrow shots. Our last alpaca that bapo didn't kill is released into the fray to as a distraction, but gets caught in the crossfire and accidentally shot dead by Nonlinear. I send duff, bapo, kranepool, and Syb on a flanking maneuver behind some rocks to the north.

The flanking maneuver doesn't go to well. One of the attackers named Eagle has a powerful recurve bow and is doing some major damage. Syb takes an arrow straight through the head, destroying his brain and killing him instantly. Shortly thereafter bapo is killed by an arrow to the torso. Another arrow hits kranepool in the spine and he faints (it didn't help that he went into battle stoned). Finally chedda, taking cover behind a tree, kills Eagle with a series of shots. Fuck you, Eagle.

The attackers are smarter than we think and instead of concentrating in one place, send a few on other routes to wreak havoc. A couple of them destroy the geothermal power plant we had just completed at great cost of resources, and another sneaks behind and brings down Shary before being killed by Nonlinear.

Finally we bring down enough of the attackers to turn the tide and send the remainder fleeing. We rush our wounded to the medical beds but it's too late for Jerloma and Shary, who die from blood loss. A few others narrowly cheat death but we're now suddenly down to five colonists from nine.

Johnny Carwash · Post by **Johnny Carwash** » Mon Dec 10, 2018 7:30 am

We set about the grim tasks of burying the dead and cleaning up the base.

Some of the survivors aren't taking things too well. Chedda goes on an insulting spree and calls duff a mandrill. Chedda then walks over to Braz, a town councilor from one of our few allied factions who has come by to trade, and calls him an echidna; then when Braz objects, chedda punches him in the stomach and walks away to smoke a joint.

Stay tuned...

Pruitt · Post by **Pruitt** » Mon Dec 10, 2018 7:49 am

An "echidna?"

My day can't get better than this!

govmentchedda · Post by **govmentchedda** » Mon Dec 10, 2018 8:09 am

It me.

An Echidna · Post by **An Echidna** » Mon Dec 10, 2018 8:47 am

What the fuck???

bapo! · Post by **bapo!** » Mon Dec 10, 2018 9:53 am

Syb has been reduced to the comedy spot of the Royal Rumble: big entrance, then immediately eliminated. That's if you call getting shot by an arrow comedic. It's Syb, so I say yes.

Thanks for putting me in the game, Carwash. Now it's time to hitch a ride on the wind.