Swamp Wrestling Federation 2021 - Gunpowder vs. GoodKarma (Featuring BFJ and DSafe on the mic!)

Johnny Carwash · Post by **Johnny Carwash** » Fri Jan 05, 2018 3:28 pm

I think we have a good set of contrasts for our final matchup:
- power vs. finesse
- coal vs. solar energy
- good old red-blooded real 'Murican from the heartland vs. elitist liberal Bay Area glory boy

Planning on next Friday for the final. Taking suggestions for undercard matches.

Pruitt · Post by **Pruitt** » Fri Jan 05, 2018 3:38 pm

A_B wrote:
Pruitt wrote:
sancarlos wrote:Old guys rule.

A_B is older than me? Surprised he didn't need a walker to get into the ring.

I'm a man! I'm 40! For five more weeks.

I have no idea how old you are.

I am 54. Next year, I'll be wrestling on the Champions tour.

Johnny Carwash · Post by **Johnny Carwash** » Wed Jan 17, 2018 7:42 am

Final is still coming, later this week or early next. It will be part of an extravaganza with several undercard matches, including some special guests...

In the meantime, last time we heard from TOP TALENT (DSafe and Sabo), they had quit our federation in protest after losing their tag team title in controversial fashion. Here is their first foray under a competing promotion:

[+] spoiler: Iron Sheik wrote:FUCK THE SAFETY D GUY! NOBODY ESCAPE THE CAMEL CLUTCH! IS BULLSHIT!

Johnny Carwash · Post by **Johnny Carwash** » Fri Jan 19, 2018 7:31 am

Alright, after weeks of anticipation, SWF CHAMPIONSHIP FRIDAY is here! But first, the undercard...

First up is a Celebrity Grudge Match! The Swamp's own The Sybian makes his SWF debut, taking on his longtime nemesis, Chris Christie! The Governor promises to close out his last week in office with a bang, as he squares off against the idealistic young lawyer and moral conscience of the Garden State.

Johnny Carwash · Post by **Johnny Carwash** » Fri Jan 19, 2018 7:32 am

Next up is another grudge match between a Swamper and a public figure: This time it's Brian vs. Bill Simmons!

That's right, America's #1 sports journalism impresario got wind of our own moderator's long history of vitriol toward him, and has challenged him to settle the score in the ring! We caught up with the Sports Guy in the interview room:

Bill Simmons wrote:Hey, I don't know who this "Brian" is, but last weekend when I was over at Jimmy Kimmel's house ranking Fleetwood Mac albums with Adam Carolla, Ta-Nehisi Coates, Richard Branson, and Michael Rapaport, I all of a sudden hear that this guy in Vegas wants a piece of me! Well, this "Brian" may be from Vegas, but no one knows Vegas better than I do! I bet Brian hasn't even read my 68-point manifesto on things you should never do with your testicles while playing Keno! You know, this whole thing is a perfect analogy for a pastiche of every Cameron Crowe and Aaron Sorkin movie combined, where Gunpowder is Jeff Spicoli, wlu_lax is Colonel Jessup, tennbengal is Russell Hammond, BigFatJew is Rod Tidwell, Rush2112 is the kid from Jerry Maguire, and EnochRoot is Phoebe Cates coming out of the pool! All my crew will be in my corner—Scratch, Weez, K-Bug, Boner, P.J., Stinky, Z-Dog, and the Platypus! The only way I can possibly lose is if Carwash conspires with Roger Goodell and John Skipper to artificially deflate the turnbuckles and blame it on me! Sports Guy, over and out!

Johnny Carwash · Post by **Johnny Carwash** » Fri Jan 19, 2018 7:32 am

The penultimate event is for the SWF Tag Team Championship. After falling short in their first try at the title, Perfect 10 (BFJ and TT2.0) return to challenge current holders DANK MEMES (Johnnie and Harambe).

The trash talk is heating up for this one!

BigFatJew wrote:I'm gonna smoke you like something a casual acquaintance slipped into my pocket!

TT2.0 wrote:[censored to comply with FCC regulations]

Johnnie wrote:I'm getting ready to deploy...MY FOOT IN YO ASS!

Harambe wrote:...

Johnny Carwash · Post by **Johnny Carwash** » Fri Jan 19, 2018 7:33 am

For the Main Event, we have a special treat: back by popular demand, Gunpowder will be providing his commentary!

And finally, the inaugural Swamp Wrestling Federation Championship between A_B and sancarlos! The Stade Olympique is rocking, and not just due to the decades of shoddy maintenance!

[+] spoiler: Congratulations to Swamp Wrestling Champion A_B!

A_B · Post by **A_B** » Fri Jan 19, 2018 8:48 am

[+] spoiler: WHOOOO! RELIABLE POWER! THAT'S ME!

Really thought I'd given it away and was gonna be too tired to finish it. The pretzel moves took their toll on me, but finally I just had to lay on top of him out of respect for how sancarlos handled his rig.

Johnnie · Post by **Johnnie** » Fri Jan 19, 2018 9:43 am

Well that was awesome.

Until that bullshit happened.

Harambe can only be defeated by bullets.

Pruitt · Post by **Pruitt** » Fri Jan 19, 2018 10:49 am

"Turning him into a piece of art on that turnbuckle."

That is Emmy-worthy commentary!

The Sybian · Post by **The Sybian** » Fri Jan 19, 2018 11:44 am

Yeah, suck it Chris Christie!!! That was awesome, such a great avatar for Christie with the pants jacked up. And mine looked exactly like me, down to the ripped physique.

TT2.0 · Post by **TT2.0** » Sun Jan 21, 2018 6:19 am

i pinned harambe! holy shit!!! me and bfj are the champs!!! I get to wear a fucking belt and i pinned a fucking gorilla...greatest win ever

bfj · Post by **bfj** » Sun Jan 21, 2018 1:04 pm

I will sculpt us some fine championship belts. Covered in vomit.

The Sybian · Post by **The Sybian** » Sun Jan 21, 2018 3:47 pm

TT2.0 wrote: Sun Jan 21, 2018 6:19 am i pinned harambe! holy shit!!! me and bfj are the champs!!! I get to wear a fucking belt and i pinned a fucking gorilla...greatest win ever

Dude, I repeatedly picked up and slammed Chris Christie. Fuck you and your pinning a dead gorilla. My win was far more satisfying.

A_B · Post by **A_B** » Thu Mar 22, 2018 11:31 pm

I hereby challenge top talent to a one on two match.

BSF21 · Post by **BSF21** » Fri Mar 23, 2018 8:55 am

A_B wrote: Thu Mar 22, 2018 11:31 pm I hereby...top...a..ne...on...w...atch.

OK weak effort but I had to try.

Johnny Carwash · Post by **Johnny Carwash** » Wed Nov 18, 2020 2:43 pm

bump...

sancarlos · Post by **sancarlos** » Wed Nov 18, 2020 2:59 pm

I had forgotten what a wrestling stud I am.

rass · Post by **rass** » Wed Nov 18, 2020 3:12 pm

I had forgotten that I let Salma pin mister d.

TT2.0 · Post by **TT2.0** » Wed Nov 18, 2020 3:48 pm

if yall hadn't said anything i would have gotten to retire a champ

Johnny Carwash · Post by **Johnny Carwash** » Wed Nov 18, 2020 4:09 pm

So, for an update - I'm planning to start running some matches again soon, and time and COVID permitting, Gunpowder may be able to provide commentary.

Rather than a formal structure, I'll just let you guys call each other out here and see how the matchups form. Take it away.

A_B · Post by **A_B** » Wed Nov 18, 2020 4:12 pm

Johnny Carwash wrote: Wed Nov 18, 2020 4:09 pm So, for an update - I'm planning to start running some matches again soon, and time and COVID permitting, Gunpowder may be able to provide commentary.

Rather than a formal structure, I'll just let you guys call each other out here and see how the matchups form. Take it away.

Well, Sancarlos talks a lot for a loser.

Call me an assisted-living facility, cause I'm here for the elder abuse.

Johnny Carwash · Post by **Johnny Carwash** » Wed Nov 18, 2020 4:50 pm

A_B is the reigning champ after the last tournament, so I'm going to set a rule that someone needs to win at least one match here to challenge him.

Johnny Carwash · Post by **Johnny Carwash** » Thu Nov 19, 2020 8:34 am

Another bump for any more volunteers/call-outs.

cerrano · Post by **cerrano** » Thu Nov 19, 2020 8:47 am

Steve vs. mister d might need to the headliner, no? The Future of the Democratic Party Championship.

A_B · Post by **A_B** » Thu Nov 19, 2020 8:57 am

How is there no Bernie Bros. tag team?!?!?

cerrano · Post by **cerrano** » Thu Nov 19, 2020 8:59 am

A_B wrote: Thu Nov 19, 2020 8:57 am How is there no Bernie Bros. tag team?!?!?

Joe K with mister d, who's with Steve?

rass · Post by **rass** » Thu Nov 19, 2020 9:36 am

A_B wrote: Thu Nov 19, 2020 8:57 am How is there no Bernie Bros. tag team?!?!?

They'll forgive your debt, but not you.

DSafetyGuy · Post by **DSafetyGuy** » Thu Nov 19, 2020 9:47 am

rass wrote: Thu Nov 19, 2020 9:36 am
A_B wrote: Thu Nov 19, 2020 8:57 am How is there no Bernie Bros. tag team?!?!?
They'll forgive your debt, but not you.

VICTORY FOR THE PEOPLE!

Giff · Post by **Giff** » Thu Nov 19, 2020 10:12 am

The twist is when Joe K shows up with 45.

Giff · Post by **Giff** » Thu Nov 19, 2020 10:12 am

You know it's true...

sancarlos · Post by **sancarlos** » Thu Nov 19, 2020 12:33 pm

Tennbengal vs. psunate?

BSF21 · Post by **BSF21** » Thu Nov 19, 2020 12:50 pm

I'd say I have beef with EnochRoot still, but I let my career year in Holland speak for me.

duff · Post by **duff** » Thu Nov 19, 2020 1:11 pm

BSF21 wrote: Thu Nov 19, 2020 12:50 pm I'd say I have beef with EnochRoot still, but I let my career year in Holland speak for me.

I am staking claim to the title of best Hoosier on this site. I am grabbing a switch off the willow tree and walking down the aisle to whup your ass back to Nobletucky. You can claim you are living hard in Fishers or Westfield or wherever the fuck your lily-white ass is living now days. But we all know you are just some no good northern Hamilton County trash eater.

Johnny Carwash · Post by **Johnny Carwash** » Thu Nov 19, 2020 1:21 pm

duff wrote: Thu Nov 19, 2020 1:11 pm
BSF21 wrote: Thu Nov 19, 2020 12:50 pm I'd say I have beef with EnochRoot still, but I let my career year in Holland speak for me.
I am staking claim to the title of best Hoosier on this site. I am grabbing a switch off the willow tree and walking down the aisle to whup your ass back to Nobletucky. You can claim you are living hard in Fishers or Westfield or wherever the fuck your lily-white ass is living now days. But we all know you are just some no good northern Hamilton County trash eater.

OK, I was kind of frustrated by the lack of a clear call-out up to this point, but I think we have it.

Duff--do you still want to go with your Village People Cop persona from before, or do you have something else?

BSF21 · Post by **BSF21** » Thu Nov 19, 2020 1:27 pm

duff wrote: Thu Nov 19, 2020 1:11 pm
BSF21 wrote: Thu Nov 19, 2020 12:50 pm I'd say I have beef with EnochRoot still, but I let my career year in Holland speak for me.
I am staking claim to the title of best Hoosier on this site. I am grabbing a switch off the willow tree and walking down the aisle to whup your ass back to Nobletucky. You can claim you are living hard in Fishers or Westfield or wherever the fuck your lily-white ass is living now days. But we all know you are just some no good northern Hamilton County trash eater.

Everybody gather round and come get a look at this fuckin' region rat ass hat. Motherfucker better pick up his Tippecanoe and Portage his way the hell out of here coming in with that weak doughnut county bullshit. Can't even figure out a time zone and he's out here trying to come at me with a willow switch. I'm about to come down hard on your 65 ass with a big Crooked Stick. Indy might be Naptown but you're gonna be lying in the Dunes if you come weak again at the Nora Nightmare son.

Nonlinear FC · Post by **Nonlinear FC** » Thu Nov 19, 2020 2:06 pm

Peak Hoosier, over here.

Pruitt · Post by **Pruitt** » Thu Nov 19, 2020 2:33 pm

No one takes my Interim Canadian Inter-Continental Belt from me.

And certainly not some yokel from Alberta. a place where hard lemonade is considered classy, and where no one's read an actual book since the yellow pages went online.

Post by **Sabo** » Thu Nov 19, 2020 2:38 pm

Pruitt wrote: Thu Nov 19, 2020 2:33 pm No one takes my Interim Canadian Inter-Continental Belt from me.

I figured you'd hold the Saskatchewan Hardcore International Title, just like a true Canadian hero.

Johnny Carwash · Post by **Johnny Carwash** » Thu Nov 19, 2020 2:39 pm

Pruitt wrote: Thu Nov 19, 2020 2:33 pm No one takes my Interim Canadian Inter-Continental Belt from me.

And certainly not some yokel from Alberta. a place where hard lemonade is considered classy, and where no one's read an actual book since the yellow pages went online.

Canadian belt is vacant, for the record...but that can be Match #2. Neutral site...Montreal? Halifax? Saskatoon?

And does this mean your Mackenzie brothers tag team is on the outs?