Thoughts on Aging

[sancarlos]

Every one of us should prepare an Advance Directive stating your wishes, should an operation go wrong. If you have a family trust, it’s usually included.

As I checked in for my many eye and shoulder surgeries over the past year and a half, I gave them a copy every time.

[Steve of phpBB]

He said decision is on him, so I shouldn't feel guilty, but if I make him suffer, it's on me.

This is a really great thing to say. Has to lift a potentially huge weight.

You know, it was dark as fuck, but I really appreciated it. He’s told me for years he doesn’t want to be resuscitated, but I don’t think I realized the gravity of the feelings that would come with making the decision in the moment. He very rarely discusses or even acknowledges emotions at all, so hearing him talk about still regretting not letting his mother die 35 years ago hit deep.

We went through that with my mom. She hadn't decided, so they explained that doing CPR on an old person was brutal. Of course I had just been picturing the situation when a young athlete collapses on the field. So we all agreed that there would be no CPR.

[The Sybian]

Surgery scheduled for 1:00, told him he was next and they’d get him shortly at 1:15, still not in at 4:30. My mom said two doctors spent a lot of time asking if he wanted to go through with surgery due to risks (orthopedist said it’s routine and straightforward). Alternative is being permanently bedridden. I’m with my dad, what’s the point if you can never get out of bed? He’s 78 and hasn’t lost anything mentally, at all. As sharp and quick as when he was at 35. He was in great physical health before the cancer, probably better than I remember, as he was going to the gym 5 days a week. Now he’s frail and weak, but still moves pretty well, at least until yesterday.

Sorry, no point to this post, just getting antsy and putting my thoughts in order.

[DSafetyGuy]

Syb, post what you like. I'm the guy who has put long posts into spoiler tags just together it out of me and explicitly told people that they didn't have to read it, I just needed to get it out (and acknowledged it was a massive tease).

[mister d]

This thread sucks shit, esp with a good HS friend’s dad also in bad shape right now. Sorry guys.

Fuck.

[Steve of phpBB]

This thread sucks shit, esp with a good HS friend’s dad also in bad shape right now. Sorry guys.

Fuck.

Sorry, D.

[The Sybian]

This thread sucks shit, esp with a good HS friend’s dad also in bad shape right now. Sorry guys.

Fuck.

Sorry to hear, D.

[The Sybian]

Surgery on Tuesday went well. I had the joy of seeing him when he was wheeled back into his room. I could hear him from the elevators cracking jokes and the orderly and nurse laughing. He was putting on a full on standup routine and singing. I was laughing so hard my cheeks hurt. My mom was a little less amused and said, "I guess you've never seen the show before." One example was singing Sinatra's "My Way," and when he got to regrets, he ad-libbed that his only regret was not doing more drugs. He also had a moment of letting down his emotional guard. He told my mother he had a message for everyone before he went under, in case he didn't make it, and told her to tell me the message. She stumbled and couldn't remember. He said, "you had one job, and it was three words! I love you." He then went on a long speech about how proud he is of me and the family I raised. We are not an emotional family, and it might be the first time he ever said that. I never felt I needed to hear it from him, but it was a moment.

They are looking to release him tomorrow to an over-night rehab center for 7-10 days. Just trying to figure out if they stay in NJ or go home for that. My mother wants to go home, but they he'll have to be back in NJ right after for his chemo treatment. He'd have to get in an ambulance or hospital transport to go to the rehab place, and I can't imagine what that will cost.

[Giff]

Jeez, getting dusty over here.

[govmentchedda]

Jeez, getting dusty over here.

Right? Good news, Syb!

[Steve of phpBB]

Jeez, getting dusty over here.

Holy shit, here too.

[mister d]

That's great, Syb.

[DaveInSeattle]

Glad that's it's worked out ok, Syb...

[sancarlos]

Jeez, that's great stuff. Who's going to play Sybian in the TV movie?

[The Sybian]

Jeez, that's great stuff. Who's going to play Sybian in the TV movie?

I’m thinking Chris Hemsworth is the clear choice.

[The Sybian]

Old man is still stuck in rehab at a nursing home for another couple of weeks. Man, is that a depressing fucking place. The care is pretty good, and the nurses are extremely friendly, but the permanent residents are all in really bad shape. They have him on a separate ward for "sub-acute care," but several of the patients in his area have dementia or are screaming non-stop due to pain. Woman across the hall would come out every 3 minutes screaming that she didn't get her meds. Nurses and orderlies would all tell she got them at 1:00, which she would respond by screaming "fuck you!" and slam her door. That would repeat for an hour or two, then switch to her coming out (sometimes buck naked) saying she was going home today. They'd tell her not today, tomorrow. "Fuck you!" Fortunately she is gone, but a new guy down the hall likes to scream profanities at the staff.

Probably good that he doesn't leave his hallway, the permanent resident hallways are usually lined with elderly or severely mentally disabled people slumped in wheel chairs who are basically comatose and drooling. Better he doesn't realize. Since the cancer treatment, he's lost about 60 pounds. 30 of it he could stand to lose. He doesn't have much appetite to begin with, but the food is absolutely horrendous. My daughter described the tuna sandwich as being a white, watery liquid on white bread. He won't touch most of it, so my mother is bringing in meals when she is here. She went home today for a few days, and we had plans Saturday for a final family outing before my son goes to school next week. Might just drop off a few meals in the morning.

On the plus side, since he is still in NJ, they can set up a medical transport so he doesn't miss his cancer treatment. He told me his goal is to die of something else before he gives up on the cancer treatment. Said he's seen what dying from cancer looks like, and he doesn't want to go through that, so he is hoping to get hit by a meteorite or die from a heart attack. Just realized he mentioned going off his blood pressure meds a few weeks ago, hope that isn't the reason why. He sees the surgeon to remove pins next Thursday, and they are hoping he can go home after that and get PT at home. I'm not optimistic. Even when he is home, he'll be living on their bottom floor for a couple months. Basically a family room and a bathroom, but it'll beat the nursing home.

[sancarlos]

Good luck with all that, bud.

[The Sybian]

Good luck with all that, bud.

Thanks. He is managing to keep his spirits up. Sending the kids and my wife over in shifts to keep him occupied while my Mom is back home. He was really disappointed that the promised therapy dog visit on Monday didn't happen, and I realized our friend with a licensed therapy dog is good friends with the manager of the nursing home. Just got word our friend reached out and arranged to have her dog permitted on site. She just sent me the paperwork, and we can borrow their dog whenever to bring her to visit my dad. We used to dog walk for them when we lived down the street. Sweetest dog, so I'm excited about this. My dad has met the dog few times, so he is really excited.

[DaveInSeattle]

Oh man...I'm sorry. Hope it works out that he can go home soon.

[Brontoburglar]

dealing with a bizarre one with my dad

he has had both knees replaced. one knee three times -- the glue was faulty on the appliance on his second revision -- and was nauseous, hot and experiencing debilitating pain in that knee last Sunday night. my mom took him to the ER and they admitted him right away after running some tests.

he's been dealing with longtime sinus issues and was set to have sinus surgery for polyp removal (again) in a couple weeks after he had been trying to find the right antibiotic cocktail for a sinus infection.

well, in a development that seems too crazy to comprehend, his knee was infected and the doctors' theory is that it came from his sinus infection. they don't know how, necessarily, but that's the safest assumption/best guess. since the knee was infected -- the knee doctor said it looked like it was surrounded by cream of wheat -- he had to have this third appliance taken out and his leg basically disinfected from top to bottom to get out any possible traces of infection. (knee replacement infections can happen long after the surgeries have taken place. this last revision was early 2022)

they put in a concrete knee as a temporary replacement and he's going to be on antibiotics for at least 6-8 weeks as they kill off whatever developed in his leg. after that happens, the hope is to put in a fourth knee replacement between thanksgiving and Christmas. that will assuredly be a longer rehab process than his previous surgeries, and in the meantime, he can't put more than 50% weight on the concrete knee or really deal with steps at all

[Shirley]

Man, that sucks. Is he going to the same doctor/hospital every time for these faulty or infected knees? Because ... maybe try another place.

[sancarlos]

That sounds so difficult, Bronto. Good luck with all that to him, and to you and the rest of yours.

[Brontoburglar]

Man, that sucks. Is he going to the same doctor/hospital every time for these faulty or infected knees? Because ... maybe try another place.

he went to a new place for the third revision and is seeing the same specialist who did that because his area of focus is revisions -- I truly don't think much/anything could have been done. the appliance itself is/was in good shape. based on my cursory research of this before his surgery, once it's infected it has to be replaced

and thanks SC. we've all dealt with this before, so it's new and also not new. but he's really bummed out as you can imagine.

[mister d]

This entire board is a life arc. Best to all who have the bad shit happening this month.

[Johnny Carwash]

Sorry to hear, Bronto. Best wishes to him.

[A_B]

This entire board is a life arc. Best to all who have the bad shit happening this month.

You raise them to let them go!


Unless I missed something where a bunch of swampers got Cancer AIDS of the Face.

[rass]

"cream of wheat" hasn't left my head since yesterday evening

[Brontoburglar]

"cream of wheat" hasn't left my head since yesterday evening

I've been thinking of it intermittently for the past week or so since his knee got cleaned out on Tuesday. the descriptions from the doctors (via my mom) were wild as to what they did

[The Sybian]

My father went for his cancer treatment this morning, and they found an infection in his lungs, so he is back at the hospital for IV antibiotics. My mom just called to discuss logistics about moving his shit out of the nursing home, so I asked if he got the treatment. I guess she wasn't supposed to tell me because he wanted to, but they are pulling the plug on the treatments as it's spread and they can't contain it anymore. Once he gets out, they are going to figure out a way to move him back home and set up hospice care in their house. He seems perfectly fine other than the hip, so I don't know how fast this spreads. And I guess he won't continue with the PT rehab. OTOH, I don't know if it makes sense to keep him bedridden if it'll take months for the cancer to spread.

I was really upset for my mother, but she sounded so calm, I'm wondering if it's almost a relief for her not to continue living in limbo and travelling between home and NJ constantly. She said she knew it was terminal, so she isn't surprised and was prepared. No idea if she can maintain their house, but she refuses to move here and give up her life. My wife is pushing for her to live near us, but she has an extremely active social life, and other than us and my inlaws, there is nothing for her in NJ.

As always, thanks for listening. It's a huge help having somewhere to write this out. I'm feeling the same way as my mother, I knew this was terminal for a while, just really worried about how my mom will deal with this and move on. They have been together since she was 16 and he was 17, so 61 years.

[L-Jam3]

Jesus. So sorry to read this.

[govmentchedda]

Really sorry to hear this, Syb.

[rass]

Sorry man.

[A_B]

My father went for his cancer treatment this morning, and they found an infection in his lungs, so he is back at the hospital for IV antibiotics. My mom just called to discuss logistics about moving his shit out of the nursing home, so I asked if he got the treatment. I guess she wasn't supposed to tell me because he wanted to, but they are pulling the plug on the treatments as it's spread and they can't contain it anymore. Once he gets out, they are going to figure out a way to move him back home and set up hospice care in their house. He seems perfectly fine other than the hip, so I don't know how fast this spreads. And I guess he won't continue with the PT rehab. OTOH, I don't know if it makes sense to keep him bedridden if it'll take months for the cancer to spread.

I was really upset for my mother, but she sounded so calm, I'm wondering if it's almost a relief for her not to continue living in limbo and travelling between home and NJ constantly. She said she knew it was terminal, so she isn't surprised and was prepared. No idea if she can maintain their house, but she refuses to move here and give up her life. My wife is pushing for her to live near us, but she has an extremely active social life, and other than us and my inlaws, there is nothing for her in NJ.

As always, thanks for listening. It's a huge help having somewhere to write this out. I'm feeling the same way as my mother, I knew this was terminal for a while, just really worried about how my mom will deal with this and move on. They have been together since she was 16 and he was 17, so 61 years.

Hospice care workers are amazing, for the patient and family. And hospice doesn't mean bedridden. It just means no treatments for anything other than pain. If there's a way he can move around and he wants to he should do that.

Went through it with my mom and she was worse off (hers was in the brain already) and without hospice's help the last few weeks would have been nigh impossible. Hope you guys have as good an experience as possible.

[Brontoburglar]

what AB said. whatever he wants to do and can do over these final months, he should do. and enjoy every minute. so sorry about this.

[DaveInSeattle]

Sorry man...thoughts for all of your family...

[DaveInSeattle]

they put in a concrete knee as a temporary replacement

A concrete knee?

[Brontoburglar]

they put in a concrete knee as a temporary replacement

A concrete knee?

I had to look it up. it's true. there's an anti-microbial concrete they put in. I really want to see the bill for it to see how much the product cost is invoiced

[sancarlos]

Jeez, best wishes, Sybian!

[The Sybian]

what AB said. whatever he wants to do and can do over these final months, he should do. and enjoy every minute. so sorry about this.

He was supposed to spend a couple more weeks or months in the rehab place following his hip surgery. He can barely make it out of bed to walk 10 feet right now with a walker and help of a nurse or PT. He’s miserable in the nursing home and I think my mom is looking to bring him home after they clear up the infection.

[duff]

Mike, I am so sorry.