The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Johnny Hotcakes · Post by **Johnny Hotcakes** » Tue Jan 06, 2015 9:57 pm

When you're living in Patterson Heights in ten years happily married with six little degenerasians running around, don't forget who told you to go for it.

P.D.X. · Post by **P.D.X.** » Wed Jan 07, 2015 11:16 am

I don't get this. If you're going the SE Asia route, you could easily play the Westerner card and score someone who's younger, (probably) hotter, and not related.

degenerasian · Post by **degenerasian** » Wed Jan 07, 2015 11:44 am

We're not related!

That would be the unknown. The Westerner card is dangerous. As DC says, money will probably change hands. I know quite a few stories of girls getting a ticket to North America and then dumping the guy (much older than her) after he spent hundreds of thousands on her.

This girl at least I know of her family, her background, education etc. If it works out, she'll have family here. It's a very long road but at least it's something to build towards.

BSF21 · Post by **BSF21** » Wed Jan 07, 2015 11:58 am

I just can't. There's got to be a better way man. You posted a picture of you with some chick playing pool a while back. You aren't a bad looking dude. Unless you're tremendously irresponsible, smell like shit, or something to that effect, I don't get it. Seems like a really strange road to walk down unless one is completely hopeless and deathly afraid of spending their life alone.

I say keep at it on the homefront buddy. Bonne Chance.

boxcar · Post by **boxcar** » Wed Jan 07, 2015 12:21 pm

degenerasian wrote:This girl at least I know of her family,.

because it's you and your family

P.D.X. · Post by **P.D.X.** » Wed Jan 07, 2015 12:23 pm

degenerasian wrote:We're not related!

That would be the unknown. The Westerner card is dangerous. As DC says, money will probably change hands. I know quite a few stories of girls getting a ticket to North America and then dumping the guy (much older than her) after he spent hundreds of thousands on her.

Well, you certainly shouldn't do something if an extreme, worse-case scenario could happen!

Not that you should listen to me, but here's what I would do as an alternative. (Basically because if I was going to get married I'd want to have some choice in my spouse.) I'd figure out whatever dating site Vietnamese women use, register an account, spam a bunch of the hot ones with an "I'm coming to visit your country and would love to meet some locals, etc. etc.". Then when you start talking to a few, you actually go to Vietnam and meet them and see what works out. And hey, you could even throw your cousin into the mix. (You're basically going all-in if you fly her over here. What are you going to do if you don't like her? Send her home?)

Isn't the rest of your life worth a little leg-work?

Worse case scenario is you get to hang out in Vietnam for a couple of weeks. Rough.

degenerasian · Post by **degenerasian** » Wed Jan 07, 2015 12:49 pm

boxcar wrote:
degenerasian wrote:This girl at least I know of her family,.
because it's you and your family

It's not. I didn't know this girl existed until 1 month ago. But usually people who marry overseas there's some connection. Through extended family or a girl growing up in the same neighbourhood etc.

It's not an arranged thing. She or can say no anytime. We'd chat/email/skype. then if it's all good then go visit. Then continue long distance and probably marry the following year and get her over here. I can't fly her here first, Vietnamese aren't allowed to travel unless given special permission.

So far just a couple of emails back and forth. She seems nice.

Yeah it is totally different then asking a girl for a coffee downtown.

BSF21 · Post by **BSF21** » Wed Jan 07, 2015 2:57 pm

degenerasian wrote:
boxcar wrote:
degenerasian wrote:This girl at least I know of her family,.
because it's you and your family
Vietnamese aren't allowed to travel unless given special permission.
.

Wait, I thought we democracy'd the fuck out of those guys.

EdRomero · Post by **EdRomero** » Wed Jan 07, 2015 8:00 pm

I'm impressed, Degen. When I scan through okcupid profiles I skip over girls who are more than 2 towns away from me or who live in areas where parking is a pain in the ass.

Johnny Carwash · Post by **Johnny Carwash** » Wed Jan 07, 2015 10:16 pm

Michael Bennett of the Seahawks has some advice for Degen.

degenerasian · Post by **degenerasian** » Sun Jan 11, 2015 9:57 pm

Had first phone call today, it went pretty well. She's super excited to talk to a boy.

I know it sounds cheesy but it is nice to be relaxed and have a fun conversation with someone who appreciates me. Especially after a couple of years of first dates where the girl is already thinking about how to reject me nicely.

She's worked out the timezones nicely (Vietnam is currently 14 hours ahead of Calgary). Everyday, she texts me before bed while I'm on transit to work and then she texts me when she wakes up before she goes to work while I'm on transit going home. Other than that, we're both working so we don't bother each other.

Johnnie · Post by **Johnnie** » Mon Jan 12, 2015 6:10 am

Seems funny to add to the conversation:

http://gawker.com/kevin-gates-wont-stop ... 1678488823" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

tennbengal · Post by **tennbengal** » Mon Jan 12, 2015 8:47 am

Stop saying "talk to a boy".

A_B · Post by **A_B** » Mon Jan 12, 2015 8:47 am

tennbengal wrote:Stop saying "talk to a boy".

Seriously. WTF.

rass · Post by **rass** » Mon Jan 12, 2015 9:05 am

Last two responses almost had me crying from stifling my laughter.

EdRomero · Post by **EdRomero** » Mon Jan 12, 2015 9:24 am

rass wrote:Last two responses almost had me crying from stifling my laughter.

Were you giggling like a little girl?

The Sybian · Post by **The Sybian** » Mon Jan 12, 2015 10:03 am

Johnnie wrote:Seems funny to add to the conversation:

http://gawker.com/kevin-gates-wont-stop ... 1678488823" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

Nothing makes a grandmother happier than finding out that two of her grandchildren are dating, and the grandson says, "I'm fuckin' the shit out of her... But I ain't about to stop fuckin' with her. Shit, the pussy good." Every grandmother is concerned that their granddaughter's pussy ain't good. At least that's what my Mother says about my daughter.

mister d · Post by **mister d** » Mon Jan 12, 2015 12:06 pm

"So how did you two meet?"

"We were introduced by our aunt."

Brontoburglar · Post by **Brontoburglar** » Mon Jan 26, 2015 3:57 pm

Met a girl 4 weeks ago who is pretty awesome. Lawyer who loves sports and so our first "date" was watching the playoffs at a bar.

We've hung out four times and it's been great -- good conversations, pretty much in contact throughout every day and Friday she came over to my house and we cooked dinner and had a great time. We left it that we'd do something either Tuesday or Friday.

The "normal" continues over the weekend and as I ask the Tuesday or Friday question today, I get a text back that an old boyfriend has come back into the picture and she can't date me until she figures out what the situation with the old boyfriend is.

Sweet Jesus.

I'm being totally blunt on this one. I asked when he came into the picture and other questions. Hopefully the answers and the exchange will continue, as I'm playing with house money at this point. But this is getting downright comical at this point.

mister d · Post by **mister d** » Mon Jan 26, 2015 4:00 pm

Maybe he cooks better?

Brontoburglar · Post by **Brontoburglar** » Mon Jan 26, 2015 4:00 pm

mister d wrote:Maybe he cooks better?

I thought my grilled pork chops were pretty good!

govmentchedda · Post by **govmentchedda** » Mon Jan 26, 2015 4:02 pm

Sucks to have this derail the progress at this point, but try not to sweat it. There's nothing you can do/could have done to avoid an ex. They pop up at the most inopportune times. Roll with it and see what happens.

P.D.X. · Post by **P.D.X.** » Mon Jan 26, 2015 4:20 pm

Brontoburglar wrote: Hopefully the answers and the exchange will continue, as I'm playing with house money at this point. But this is getting downright comical at this point.

Holy shit, dude. She basically told you you're Plan B. What answers do you need beyond that?

Brontoburglar · Post by **Brontoburglar** » Mon Jan 26, 2015 4:35 pm

P.D.X. wrote:
Brontoburglar wrote: Hopefully the answers and the exchange will continue, as I'm playing with house money at this point. But this is getting downright comical at this point.
Holy shit, dude. She basically told you you're Plan B. What answers do you need beyond that?

Oh, I'm not delusional. I'm just asking the questions because I want to see what the answers are.

sancarlos · Post by **sancarlos** » Mon Jan 26, 2015 5:27 pm

Brontoburglar wrote:
P.D.X. wrote:
Brontoburglar wrote: Hopefully the answers and the exchange will continue, as I'm playing with house money at this point. But this is getting downright comical at this point.
Holy shit, dude. She basically told you you're Plan B. What answers do you need beyond that?
Oh, I'm not delusional. I'm just asking the questions because I want to see what the answers are.

Not that I know much, but to PDX's point, if the ex doesn't work out and she wants to come back to plan B, I trust you won't act too excited and thrilled to have her back. At least, not right away. You have to show her that you have options, too, if you want her to value you.

degenerasian · Post by **degenerasian** » Mon Jan 26, 2015 5:31 pm

"what the situation with the old bf is" is pretty vague. Is she seeing if there could be reconciliation or was it a bad breakup and she's seeing him again as a friend to let him down easier. Never know about potential behavior of ex-bfs.

I echo sancarlos. Be Plan B but don't go running back. Even meet someone else (if opportunity knocks) and make her Plan B.

P.D.X. · Post by **P.D.X.** » Mon Jan 26, 2015 5:50 pm

degenerasian wrote:"what the situation with the old bf is" is pretty vague.

Yeah, I don't think it's vague, but if it were, you still gotta proceed per worst-case scenario.

My SOP is radio silence for a couple of weeks to see if she takes the initiative to reconnect, and if she doesn't, ping her with something completely frivolous (i.e., having nothing to do with the romantic situation) just to see if she responds and is up for talking. If nothing else, you at least know you played it smooth and didn't give her the perception that you were hanging around waiting for her.

DC47 · Post by **DC47** » Mon Jan 26, 2015 6:29 pm

Brontoburglar wrote:
P.D.X. wrote:
Brontoburglar wrote: Hopefully the answers and the exchange will continue, as I'm playing with house money at this point. But this is getting downright comical at this point.
Holy shit, dude. She basically told you you're Plan B. What answers do you need beyond that?
Oh, I'm not delusional. I'm just asking the questions because I want to see what the answers are.

Finding this out early is much better than the alternative.

And there's nothing wrong with 'being Plan B.' This just means that she had a strong connection with another man who she met before meeting you, and, by chance, circumstances haven't caused it to be completely over yet. Assuming we're not in a world consisting entirely of virgins, then this actually happens all the time. It happened to me once, at a much later stage in a relationship. The man she had told me about left his marriage. So she dropped me. Soon thereafter I met my future wife, who was just on the cusp of being over another man. Perhaps if I had met her a few months earlier I would have been in your situation -- on ice for at least awhile. In that situation, impatience or employing this bogus 'Plan B' framing might have cost me a great marriage.

To be more clear, 'Plan B' is bullshit. She had a connection to Mr. A before you arrived on the scene. That's just chance, not a statement that you are second best. There are thousands of people that each of us could very happily live with for a lifetime. Could be that you and this woman are a good match, which is totally independent of the obvious fact that each of you would be equally good matches to thousands of others.

Pruitt · Post by **Pruitt** » Mon Jan 26, 2015 6:33 pm

My two cents - based on a ridiculous situation from my single days - is that she may have been jerking you around a bit. An ex "coming back into the picture" is pretty lame - and we all have exs that are in our lives to a certain extent, but why did this suddenly flare up?

Nothing wrong with getting together with her when this blows over, but this situation seems like a bit of a red flag that would take a long time to stop waving. At least in terms of a real commitment.

mister d · Post by **mister d** » Mon Jan 26, 2015 6:36 pm

DC47 wrote:Finding this out early is much better than the alternative... I met my future wife, who was just on the cusp of being ... a... man. Perhaps if I had met her a few months earlier I would have been in ... this bogus ... Mr. ... woman ...

P.D.X. · Post by **P.D.X.** » Mon Jan 26, 2015 6:44 pm

Pruitt wrote:My two cents - based on a ridiculous situation from my single days - is that she may have been jerking you around a bit. An ex "coming back into the picture" is pretty lame - and we all have exs that are in our lives to a certain extent, but why did this suddenly flare up?

That's the real rub. The "ex" excuse is probably like top 3 most used to get out of a situ. Not saying she's lying but percentage-wise you gotta accept it as a possibility.

DC47 · Post by **DC47** » Mon Jan 26, 2015 6:45 pm

Nice.

degenerasian · Post by **degenerasian** » Mon Jan 26, 2015 7:18 pm

Is it common to reconcile? Or is the ex just an excuse. Ive never seen a girl again after a breakup. Not even close.

It's probably the jerk in me. Don't want any more drama.

Brontoburglar · Post by **Brontoburglar** » Mon Jan 26, 2015 7:22 pm

P.D.X. wrote:
Pruitt wrote:My two cents - based on a ridiculous situation from my single days - is that she may have been jerking you around a bit. An ex "coming back into the picture" is pretty lame - and we all have exs that are in our lives to a certain extent, but why did this suddenly flare up?
That's the real rub. The "ex" excuse is probably like top 3 most used to get out of a situ. Not saying she's lying but percentage-wise you gotta accept it as a possibility.

Without a doubt, hence why I was like "fuck it, let's ask straight up questions and see what the answer is and not deal with platitudes."

So I asked when he came into the picture (allegedly when we started dating) and he wants to be "exclusive" while she didn't want to commit to that. I then straight up asked if I was a reason for the reluctance to commit and "there were several factors."

Whatever. I'm a bit miffed by the fact that she acted like it was on the fast track with the constant communication (don't be texting me your dinner the night before with how proud you are of the way it turned out), but ultimately I'm more amused by the way these excuses and spaz-outs happen than anything else.

degenerasian · Post by **degenerasian** » Mon Jan 26, 2015 7:27 pm

So just an attention seeker looking for validation? Guess she passed.

Like a kid lying until it gets too dangerous.

Pruitt · Post by **Pruitt** » Mon Jan 26, 2015 8:17 pm

(Written without a hint of sarcasm) Aren't wisdom and experience good things?

Back in the single days, I was set up by a trusted older sister of my best friend. Woman was a psychologist, made a good living. Smart, funny, decent looking. Five dates in three weeks or so plus an unexpected lunch...

All was going well - first night of sex was very fine. Couple nights later, getting into it again and she stops to tell me something.

Yep, she was seeing someone else. and had been for three or four months. HUH?! The first time she saw fit to tell me this was when we were naked?

I was stunned, and even more so when she said that basically, she had decided to go out with me on a regular basis because I needed her more. Psychologist's intuition I guess. I was in a cab heading home about five minutes later and never spoke to her again.

And then there was this other time...

mister d · Post by **mister d** » Mon Jan 26, 2015 8:31 pm

Brontoburglar wrote:'m a bit miffed by the fact that she acted like it was on the fast track with the constant communication (don't be texting me your dinner the night before with how proud you are of the way it turned out), but ultimately I'm more amused by the way these excuses and spaz-outs happen than anything else.

Sooo ... you don't want to see the frittata?

degenerasian · Post by **degenerasian** » Mon Jan 26, 2015 8:31 pm

come on, no teasers......

Brontoburglar · Post by **Brontoburglar** » Mon Jan 26, 2015 8:41 pm

mister d wrote:
Brontoburglar wrote:'m a bit miffed by the fact that she acted like it was on the fast track with the constant communication (don't be texting me your dinner the night before with how proud you are of the way it turned out), but ultimately I'm more amused by the way these excuses and spaz-outs happen than anything else.
Sooo ... you don't want to see the frittata?

You and are are thisclose though

Post by **Shirley** » Mon Jan 26, 2015 10:11 pm

DC47 wrote:
Brontoburglar wrote:
P.D.X. wrote:
Brontoburglar wrote: Hopefully the answers and the exchange will continue, as I'm playing with house money at this point. But this is getting downright comical at this point.
Holy shit, dude. She basically told you you're Plan B. What answers do you need beyond that?
Oh, I'm not delusional. I'm just asking the questions because I want to see what the answers are.
Finding this out early is much better than the alternative.

And there's nothing wrong with 'being Plan B.' This just means that she had a strong connection with another man who she met before meeting you, and, by chance, circumstances haven't caused it to be completely over yet. Assuming we're not in a world consisting entirely of virgins, then this actually happens all the time. It happened to me once, at a much later stage in a relationship. The man she had told me about left his marriage. So she dropped me. Soon thereafter I met my future wife, who was just on the cusp of being over another man. Perhaps if I had met her a few months earlier I would have been in your situation -- on ice for at least awhile. In that situation, impatience or employing this bogus 'Plan B' framing might have cost me a great marriage.

To be more clear, 'Plan B' is bullshit. She had a connection to Mr. A before you arrived on the scene. That's just chance, not a statement that you are second best. There are thousands of people that each of us could very happily live with for a lifetime. Could be that you and this woman are a good match, which is totally independent of the obvious fact that each of you would be equally good matches to thousands of others.

I think this is the best advice I've seen here.