2021 Hallmark Christmas Movie reviews

[rass]

OK, let's do this.

I picked this one to start just because the name was so very Hallmark and it was one of the first ones they showed this year - Coyote Creek Christmas

Trailer:


Cable guide synopsis: The fate of the Coyote Creek Inn and Paige's relationships are both left to the magic of the holiday season to decide.

Location: It starts in Denver, where the leads are both based for work. Moves quickly to Coyote Creek, the female lead's hometown in the Rockies.

Realism of location: Establishing shots of Denver. There is one Coyote Creek downtown streetscape that they repeatedly walk down. You can see mountains in the background. One of the storefronts has a “welcome to Coyote creek” t-shirt hanging in the window, and we see a photo of the female lead in one of them later in the movie.

Primary setting: Coyote Creek, which is the name of the town and the family inn where most of the action takes place.

Relationship categorization: Two people who haven't had time for love find it with each other

New Love or Rekindled Love: new love

How the couple meets: The male lead is investigating buying the female lead's family's inn in Coyote Creek. The female lead's parents ask him to hide why he’s there because they don’t want to tell her they’re selling yet. They eventually meet in a park and their first conversation is about marmots (the town mascot).

Female lead physical profile: brunette, brown eyes, prominent lips, Jewel teeth

Female lead signature look: tight, dark (expensive) jeans and sweaters (usually white). Her name is Paige and she wears a P pendant

Female lead personality profile: A hard worker who feels unappreciated by her boss. Loves Christmas, disappointed her parents have only taken decorating their inn for Christmas to a 10 and not an 11, so she takes over the holiday planning.

Female lead confidant(s): Best friend at home (cute, GREAT hair). Also a brief appearance by a British co-worker in Denver (she has an accent and mentions biscuits and mince pies to really sell it) who is there for a conversation that establishes that the female lead feels unappreciated and unfulfilled at work

Male lead physical profile: THE Ryan Peavy. Need I say more?

Male lead signature look: light beard over casual warm clothing (tan corduroy fleece-lined jacket), scarves

Male lead personality profile: A caring single dad who is trying to score a big deal so he can take a step back from work and spend more time with his young son

Male lead confidant(s): His brother, they are co-owners of some sort of real estate investment firm, but he’s more a source of conflict than a confidant

Admittedly shallow rating of the appropriateness of the relationship based on purely physical terms: sure it works

Snow: yes, all over Coyote Creek

Quality/realism of snow: wet, looked fake on the roof of the inn

Diversity: Female lead’s boss is Black (and very stingy with praise). Her best friend is gay but feels she doesn’t have time to go for a relationship with the cute musician in town who obviously likes her. The inn’s head chef is Black. The female lead interviews an international lineup of guests for ideas for the Christmas around the world party. The female lead's mom is Asian (see general observations below).

Precocious child: Definitely, the male lead's son "Noah". He's a photographer, knows who Ansel Adams is, and listens to photography podcasts. Sample quote - “We’re men of simple tastes, just give us the open road and gas stations with lots of snacks”.

Pets: nope (though a marmot statue makes multiple appearances)

Baking: The dad is serving homemade eggnog during the female lead's first phone call home, and his egg nog experimentation is regularly mentioned. The inn's chef is shown cooking multiple times, and dancing while cooking. The leads visit a bakery with the kid, and end up helping out with Christmas orders (including decorating cookies). Male lead suggests making pfeffernusse cookies for the inn’s Christmas around the world party.

Source of conflict/break-up after the leads fall for each other: When she learns why he’s actually there when she takes a call from the male lead's brother (who called the front desk after the male lead ignored one phone call??)

How the break-up is quickly resolved: The male lead helps deal with a large influx of guests who show up after word of the sale of the inn gets out (glamping!), and c’mon really wasn’t his fault anyway. BUT!!!

...then he and his son leave to spend Christmas at the Grand Canyon and the inn is still gonna be sold and everyone is sad!

So how is that resolved??: The precocious son convinces his dad to turn around the car and go back to Coyote Creek and the male lead convinces his brother to buy the inn but keep it as is, with the female lead as the person in charge. Male lead closing the deal on the relationship - “I want to get to know you. I want to know how you like your eggs, the name of your first dog, where you heard the Beatles for the first time.”

Open mouth final kiss: Yes. It's not Top Gun but their lips are parted.

Recently deceased relative: No. The male leads' son's mom is “not around” but she left them, didn’t die.

Consumption of alcohol: The male lead shown drinking clear liquid (no ice) from a cocktail glass while talking to his brother during a rough phone call (he learns that if they buy the inn they’re going to knock it down and rebuild as a fancy new resort). Female leads parents say they want to let the inn go so they can sip Mai Tais in The Maldives.

Obviously fake cups/mugs of hot liquid: Yes, the film opens with the female lead walking in with coffee for front desk workers at a hotel (she's so nice!). Lots and lots of SB-style cups throughout. There were some shots of actual mugs with actual liquid in them.

Snowball fight: no

Ugly Christmas sweaters: no

Christmas music: It begins with a generic Christmas-y tune (uptempo, lots of bells). We do get a jazzy take on “We Wish You a Merry Christmas” in short order when we meet the male lead. Acoustic “We Wish You a Merry Christmas” from the female lead's best friend's now GF at the Christmas Eve party. It ends on a knock-off Motown-ish uptempo tune.

Silver Fox: Yes, the female leads dad (he kills it in a cardigan at some point)

Does Santa appear: yes, though Mrs Claus looked sickly

General Observations: the actress who plays the female lead's mom apparently is (or was?) a bodybuilder and spent the movie hiding this underneath a bland series of middle-aged mom outfits:

lminard.jpg (56.26 KiB) Viewed 735 times

[bapo!]

Male lead physical profile: THE Ryan Peavy. Need I say more?

Um...maybe? If you're not willing to give me more, I'll just imagine former MLB pitcher Jake Peavy. He was dreamy enough, I suppose, and he was really good for a few years.

Obviously fake cups/mugs of hot liquid: Yes

G-d fuck--g damn -t! Prop masters are my new #1 enemy.

I'll never complain about Christmas Creep again. The earlier the better, as long as I'm given content like this thread and Billy Squier's Christmas song.

[P.D.X.]

They eventually meet in a park and their first conversation is about marmots

Ah, Rimworld romance.

[rass]

Male lead physical profile: THE Ryan Peavy. Need I say more?

Um...maybe? If you're not willing to give me more, I'll just imagine former MLB pitcher Jake Peavy. He was dreamy enough, I suppose, and he was really good for a few years.

Not even google can fully define him:

rpeavy.jpg (96.17 KiB) Viewed 685 times

[mister d]

More like Nathan North, if ya know what I mean.

[rass]

A Holiday in Harlem

Trailer:



Cable guide synopsis:
"An executive returns to Harlem, N.Y., to celebrate Christmas in the neighborhood where she grew up."

Location: Harlem!

Realism of location: A lot of brownstones (including female lead's family home), the male lead’s family hardware store seems a little too spacious for a city store (and the view outside the windows of the store don't seem to be very middle of the city-ish), stock video of elevated subway cars, a block party on a city street is pretty well realized

Primary setting: The female lead’s grandmother’s brownstone (and the street outside that brownstone), the male lead’s family's hardware store

Relationship categorization: They were best friends growing up but she left Harlem to become a successful businessperson, he came back home after serving in the military. They meet again after years apart.

New Love or Rekindled Love: Both? (male lead had an unrequited/unknown crush on the female lead growing up)

How the couple meets: As noted, they grew up together, but she comes back to the neighborhood to see her grandmother, who the male lead is friendly with, then injures the grandmother (falls on her) during yoga (in Christmas sweaters) so they have to take over for her and run the neighborhood Christmas jamboree (Snow Jam basketball game, Fashion Bash fashion show, poetry slam, Christmas Eve dinner)

Female lead physical profile: Definitely not a typical, willowy Hallmark lead.

Female lead signature look: Long hair typically worn down, sweater dresses, lipstick seems to sometimes match as an accent to her tops?

Female lead personality profile: She left home suddenly after HS and travels a lot for work as a response to her parent's divorce. She's a success at work who isn’t sure she wants a promotion (VP "of North America" who will be based in NYC and no longer travel), and hasn't come home to see her parents and grandmother in years (weakest part of the plot setup, as usual, since nothing too horrible can ever happen that makes keeping that much distance from your family reasonable and the old relationships always resume so easily)

Female lead confidant(s): her mom, her grandmother, her boss (woman)

Male lead physical profile: He has kept the military-grade haircut, light/stubble beard

Male lead signature look: flannel shirt and jeans

Male lead personality profile: Ex-military who came back home after serving because he loves his neighborhood and his family is still there

Male lead confidant(s): His (very pregnant) sister, I guess? We don't spend much time with him without the female lead present.

Admittedly shallow rating of the appropriateness of the relationship based on purely physical terms: he seems younger than her

Snow: yes

Quality/realism of snow: Meh. The fake snow in (what is supposed to be, googling suggests the movie was filmed in CT and not on location?) Harlem varies from real frozen water to just white debris all over the street. No snow in the rest of Manhattan?

Diversity/Representation: The female lead’s body type probably pushes boundaries more than anything else, though I'm not sure that a non-POC had a speaking part (there is a white male hipster front and center in the audience at the poetry slam)? Spotted an extra wearing a TRAYVON t-shirt.

Precocious child: Not really. The male lead’s niece and nephew (teenagers) appear briefly, only one scene near the beginning when they speak.

Pets: no

Baking: Yes, the female lead's grandmother bakes cupcakes. Also, the family mac and cheese recipe is passed down to the female lead on Christmas day and three generations take part in a mac and cheese montage.

Source of conflict/break-up after the leads fall for each other: The male lead gets upset when she suggests his family needs a new/larger space for their store and says she doesn’t know what’s best for him - or the neighborhood! (this argument takes place at the male lead's apartment which must have the flimsiest door and smallest lock, just a little one on the handle, in the entire city - it looks like a closet door)

How the break-up is quickly resolved: They talk it out the next day after the male lead sister says she wants to expand the store and the female lead talks with her mom (who is divorced but is getting back together with the dad)

But wait, there is still a 1/2 hour left. There must be more conflict: During the Christmas Eve block party the grandmother warns the female lead off of the male lead if she isn’t sure she’s going to stay around because "he's a good man" and she (the grandmother) doesn't want him to get hurt.

And how is that resolved?: The female lead decides to accept the NYC-based job and they make up on Christmas Day when that is announced at dinner.

Open mouth final kiss: Sure. The female lead buys the male lead a mistletoe ornament at the block party she organized as a secret Santa gift (he used to carry mistletoe around in his pocket when they were kids but was never brave enough to whip it out and kiss her), he opens the gift and then they kiss (parted mouths at first, lips to lips for the followup)

Recently deceased relative: no

Consumption of alcohol: No? Water seems to be the drink of choice at a dinner (is it a date?) between the leads. Poetry slam appears to be at a coffee house, not a bar.

Obviously fake cups/mugs of hot liquid: not that I noticed

Snowball fight: no

Ugly Christmas sweaters: yes

Christmas music: Kicks off with Louis Armstrong’s Christmas Night in Harlem, sporadic jazzy Christmas background music (Deck the Halls). A DJ (the male lead's brother in law) at the block party plays some more modern Christmas-y music (with lyrics). A very funky God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen during the ceremonial prep of the mac and cheese montage.

Silver Fox: Not literally, but in that spirit the female lead’s dad (shaved bald, greying goatee) appears in the fashion show and *works it*

Does Santa appear: Yes, both at a free throw shooting competition at the Snow Jam (gives gifts to the kids who make a shot) and at the block party later in the movie (not sure if it was the same Santa or not).

General Observations: The mac and cheese looked pretty great when served at dinner.

The ads for the Terri Hatcher movie have James Denton as the main lead, and she’s also listed behind Marilu Henner on the on-screen banners!

[bapo!]

mac and cheese montage.

This sounds either amazing or horrible. Or, being a Hallmark Christmas movie, it just blends in with everything else.

[P.D.X.]

Poetry slam. Nice.

[rass]

You, Me & the Christmas Trees

Trailer:



Cable guide synopsis: "An arborist falls in love with a farmer as she tries to save his trees before the town tree lighting."

Location: Connecticut

Realism of location: There are not any shots of the actual growing trees at the farm, mostly just the barn, one establishing shot of UConn that seemed to actually be on campus

Primary setting: A Christmas tree farm in a small town in CT, a tree lab(?) at UConn

Relationship categorization: obsessed tree lovers learn to love something other than trees

New Love or Rekindled Love: new

How the couple meets: The female lead is avoiding going home for Christmas and goes to the male lead's Christmas tree farm to learn why his trees turn brown two days after being cut down.

Female lead physical profile: Picture Winnie Cooper in her 40s and holding up really well

Female lead signature look: scoop-neck shirts, jeans

Female lead personality profile: She is UConn’s chief Evergreen horticulturist and definitely loves trees, called off her Christmas wedding earlier this year, comes to the realization that she dislikes how her family celebrates Christmas and not the holiday itself

Female lead confidant(s): A female coworker provides exposition when we first meet the female lead, but she's pretty much on her own navigating her relationship with the male lead (not sharing her feelings is a personality trait)

Male lead physical profile: light/stubble beard (this seems to be a Hallmark pattern), tall, skinnier than you would assume for someone who is basically a lumberjack

Male lead signature look: puffy vest over a fully buttoned henley

Male lead personality profile: 4th generation Christmas tree farm owner feeling pressure to maintain the family business, REALLY doesn’t want to diversify into non-Christmas tree and/or non-Christmas crops

Male lead confidant(s): his mom

Admittedly shallow rating of the appropriateness of the relationship based on purely physical terms: No one is good enough for Winnie Coooper.

Snow: yes

Quality/realism of snow: There is a pretty good close up of powder in the opening flashback (young female lead literally hugging trees), all of the establishing shots of the farm land shows the ground completely covered, but the snow scattered around the farm is pretty hit or miss

Diversity/representation: The female lead's co-worker and the mayor of the town where the male lead lives, and that’s about it

Precocious child: no

Pets: no

Baking: the leads take part in a gingerbread house decorating contest and bake (off-screen) extra gingerbread for trees, female lead creates a nutrient solid that can be added to water to keep cut trees alive longer, male lead’s mom makes a Yule log (once again only the end product shown)

Source of conflict/break-up after the leads fall for each other: The female lead repeatedly suggests the male lead expand beyond Christmas trees and finally he shouts back “Christmas is ALL that I care about!” so she packs up to spend Christmas with her family.

How the break-up is quickly resolved: The female lead discovers a rival Christmas tree farmer (Dwayne, played by the actor who played the older brother, Wayne, from the Wonder Years!) poisoned the town tree donated by the male lead’s farm, she decides to stay for Christmas Eve and they apologize to each other, and her parents even show up in town. Dwayne is last seen being escorted to the police station by the town's only cop.

Open mouth final kiss: Winnie gave tongue!

But the big news is that holy crap they kissed for the first time well before the end! Unprecedented!

Recently deceased relative: male lead’s father (may have been gone for a couple of years)

Consumption of alcohol: Yes, multiple scenes at a (hard) cidery including a cider cocktail making contest

Obviously fake cups/mugs of hot liquid: The male lead spills coffee on himself while driving (then rear-ends female lead), the male lead's cousin makes the “best hot cocoa ever” and we see a close up of whipped cream being added to a mug of cocoa but it disappears from subsequent shots of the mug and then reappears when cocoa is drunk so we can get a cute "you have whipped cream on your nose" scene.

A growler of apple cider is placed on a table with a telltale too small thud that makes it clear it's empty.

Snowball fight: no

Ugly Christmas sweaters: yes (Ho, Ho… Woof!)

Christmas music: lots of instrumentals, but it closed with a jazzy take on O! Christmas Tree (think Mel Torme, or maybe it was him, I forgot to ID the music)

Tree puns: ugh, yes, multiple scenes

Does Santa appear: yes (male lead plays him)

Pickup truck: yes (red)

General Observations: We get a good idea of what it would be like to FaceTime Winnie Cooper in multiple scenes where she talks to her mom over the phone (seems like it would be cool), the mayor from this movie also plays a supporting part in another 2021 Hallmark movie, Nantucket Noel, assuming this wasn’t filmed Nov or Dec 2020 then they must have found a farm that let them cut down a bunch of trees really early?

[mister d]

You wrote: "An arborist falls in love with a farmer as she tries to save his trees before the town tree lighting."

I read: "An abortionist falls in love with a farmer as she tries to save his trees before the town tree lighting."

[rass]

Christmas music: Upbeat version of Brick featuring a sleigh bell solo

[bapo!]

(Dwayne, played by the actor who played the older brother, Wayne, from the Wonder Years!)

Well, that's just adorable. According to IMDb, it's Jason Hervey's first on-camera, non-wrestling role in 21 years. Danica must be very persuasive.

I'm almost tempted to watch some of her earlier work. 'Christmas, She Wrote' could be fun, and 'Christmas At Dollywood' sounds must-see.

[Ryan]

You wrote: "An arborist falls in love with a farmer as she tries to save his trees before the town tree lighting."

I read: "An abortionist falls in love with a farmer as she tries to save his trees before the town tree lighting."

Yep

[P.D.X.]

'Christmas, She Wrote' could be fun,

Troy McClure joint?

[Nonlinear FC]

If you watch Nantucket Noel (or whatever), and you've actually been to Nantucket? Hoo boy, it is high comedy. It's probably the best example of one of these movies saying they are in location, only to have the establishing shots and b-roll be ridiculously VANCOUVER of any of these movies I've seen.

And my wife likes to have these on while we're puttering (cleaning, mostly cooking, etc) so I've seen many dozens of these.

[rass]

(Dwayne, played by the actor who played the older brother, Wayne, from the Wonder Years!)

Well, that's just adorable. According to IMDb, it's Jason Hervey's first on-camera, non-wrestling role in 21 years. Danica must be very persuasive.

I'm almost tempted to watch some of her earlier work. 'Christmas, She Wrote' could be fun, and 'Christmas At Dollywood' sounds must-see.

Christmas, She Wrote sucked. She was way out of that dude's league. And it was a rare case where the "conflict" seemed justified (he was her ex-boss who fired her and her friend and then followed her back to her hometown for some reason?). Or maybe I didn't see the entire movie (I think it was from last year and I never reviewed it).

Christmas at Dollywood was kind of fun, but having visited Dollywood just a couple of years prior might have helped.

[sancarlos]

Looks like The Roku Channel is getting into the fun. Link

[govmentchedda]

(Dwayne, played by the actor who played the older brother, Wayne, from the Wonder Years!)

Well, that's just adorable. According to IMDb, it's Jason Hervey's first on-camera, non-wrestling role in 21 years. Danica must be very persuasive.

I'm almost tempted to watch some of her earlier work. 'Christmas, She Wrote' could be fun, and 'Christmas At Dollywood' sounds must-see.

[rass]

Bonus content with little to no comment from Hallmark Movies & Mysteries (the movies over there have weirder titles - this one was “Tine for Them to Come Home for Christmas” - and sees HM 5-tool stud relegated to the minor leagues this season).

Anyway, this dude didn’t seem to be a plot point. Too bad.

C1AB09D8-208D-4935-9DE0-7FA80F17BCA9.jpeg (83.72 KiB) Viewed 519 times

[rass]

Great news! There is a 2021 BJL Xmas movie. I set it to record over the weekend. Her hair looks FANTASTIC. 2020’s cutest female lead is definitely out to defend her title.

(her 2020 movie is on right now and she totally outshines the attractiveness of her co-star, and I never actually watched this entire movie…)

Heads up that Eight Gifts of Hanukkah premiers tonight.

[Steve of phpBB]

Great news! There is a 2021 BJL Xmas movie. I set it to record over the weekend. Her hair looks FANTASTIC. 2020’s cutest female lead is definitely out to defend her title.

(her 2020 movie is on right now and she totally outshines the attractiveness of her co-star, and I never actually watched this entire movie…)

Heads up that Eight Gifts of Hanukkah premiers tonight.

Apparently that movie I saw being filmed here last summer will premiere this weekend. Look for actors sweating because they're wearing heavy jackets in 85 degree temperatures.

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt6540706/

[rass]

That one seems totally unrealistic. The family owns a movie theater that is closing, and in one of the ads one of the sisters kisses some dude in the theater and is like “this is the first time I’ve ever kissed someone in here, tee hee”.

[Nonlinear FC]

Cast includes Kevin Neelon.

???

Must watch, now.

[mister d]

I hope its as Gary Potter.

[Steve of phpBB]

That one seems totally unrealistic. The family owns a movie theater that is closing, and in one of the ads one of the sisters kisses some dude in the theater and is like “this is the first time I’ve ever kissed someone in here, tee hee”.

It’s fitting they filmed at the Tower Theatre. It’s been on its last legs for twenty years.

[Johnny Carwash]

Someone stealing rass's thing:

https://www.thelily.com/why-you-might-l ... re-cheesy/

[rass]

To be clear (not that you were saying this) but I never claimed to originate the form. I've definitely found multiple others doing reviews in various formats while googling these things. Including people who I'm pretty sure are being paid for their content.

(that link is foreshadowing)

One of them even had a "is there a non-white role" category so I might drop that one unless something of particular note comes up.

[rass]

Christmas Sail

Trailer:




Cable guide synopsis: "Liz receives a call for help from her father to return home for Christmas and she wants to create a whimsical Christmas celebration." (really undersells it)

Location: A small seaside town called Portside, the female lead lives in Seattle with her daughter

Realism of location: I guess it’s near the water, lots of scenes definitely near a dock (was apparently filmed on the BC coast)

Primary setting: The female lead's family home and boat

New Love or Rekindled Love: rekindled, the leads had unrequited/unshared crushes on each other growing up

How the couple meets: The female lead comes back home after a tree falls on her dad (he saved a little girl but hurts his arm). Male lead still lives in town. She sticks around to try to win a Christmas boat parade and its $25K first prize because (A) there was a fire in her house in Seattle and she might not get enough money from the insurance company for the repairs and (B) her dad might need to sell the family home.

You might remember me from...: The female lead is Katee Sackhoff, best known for the Battlestar Galactica revamp from the early 2000s. Her dad is played by Terry O’Quinn from Lost.

Female lead physical profile: Blond, her mouth is distractingly HUGE

Female lead signature look: A cool belt she wears throughout the movie, a white v-neck sweater that was a little short and we saw some belly, an even deeper neckline on the blue dress she wore to the Christmas ball

Female lead personality profile: A single mom with a damaged house and a damaged relationship with her dad who shut down emotionally after his wife died

Female lead confidant(s): A female coworker (provides exposition, and we learn her mom lives in Hoboken, NJ), her dad

Male lead physical profile: Another beard, receding hairline? - upon seeing him for the first time in years female lead tells him “you look healthy”?? Because he’s a little thick, I think? Like, he looks down at his body when she says it, so I think that's what that meant? He even references it again later.

Male lead signature look: Pretty unremarkable, but he wears a large and unwieldy scarf later in the movie (maybe just a 2 or 3 on a 0 to Lenny Kravitz scale)

Male lead personality profile: been crushing on female lead since they were kids, left college and stayed in hometown to help his mom after his dad died, builds homes but lives on a boat

Male lead confidant(s): some dude - Julie’s husband - who can’t dance?, his mom

Admittedly shallow rating of the appropriateness of the relationship based on purely physical terms: They do have some chemistry and she's a good enough actor to sell it but, no way man?

Snow: It's littered around small-town streets with little rhyme or reason, snow does not play a major part beyond setting a time of year tone

Quality/realism of snow: unnaturally placed actual frozen water

Precocious child: Yes, female lead’s daughter ("It’s called Christmas break, not Christmas work!" comment when she gets schoolwork over the holiday break). She somehow gets stuck in a fishing net at some point. Tries to learn chess from her grandfather.

Pets: nope

Baking: The baker in town is a major secondary character, but no baking scenes/montage. I thought she was the female lead's father's girl friend in waiting, but I think she was the female lead's mom's best friend, so their relationship is strictly platonic and they're just friends who look after each other.

Source of conflict/break-up after the leads fall for each other: She lives in the city and he doesn’t, and doesn't think he can leave his mom on her own.

How the break-up is quickly resolved: Male lead's mom tells him he's a dummy and she can take care of herself (and her flower shop) so he tells the female lead he doesn’t care about the specifics of them living far apart and can’t let her go again.

Open mouth final kiss: Another first kiss, well before the ending!! That one was just lips, and just lips at the end, too.

Recently deceased relative: The female lead’s mom (shown in 1990 flashback at the beginning) is DEAD. Her dad has been unable to celebrate Christmas since. Male lead's father died years ago, and when he stayed home with his mom he grew apart from the female lead and she met "Kevin" (not pictured) and got married and had a kid and eventually got divorced (I think?).

Consumption of alcohol: Yes, wine is shown at a family dinner.

Obviously fake cups/mugs of hot liquid: Yeah, hot cocoa. The female lead's daughter even takes off running with what moments before had been a full cup with no top.

Snowball fight: nope

Ugly Christmas sweaters: no

Notable Christmas music: "I Saw Three Ships" was a nice touch

Silver Fox: Does Terry Quinn's beard count?

Does Santa appear: No, though there are elves (first seen wearing yellow, but when the female lead's daughter takes off running after them, none of the elves are wearing yellow).

Town Christmas tree lighting: yes

Baguettes sticking out of a shopping bag: oh yeah, double loaves

Montage: Yes, fixing (really just clearing some clutter) up a boat

Nautical puns: yes, lots of them

General Observations: There is another 2021 Hallmark movie set at a pier that also features a boat parade - Nantucket Noel

The family boat (named after the female lead's dead mom - My Darling Mary) is supposed to be dilapidated but they just threw some tarps and nets on it. The hull is clearly in great shape. The mainsail is a little tattered.

The bank is apparently selling the female lead's family house before they actually foreclose? We learn in a throwaway line (after the final commercial break) that they won the boat parade and the $25K that comes with first place, but how is that going to cover the fire damage of the female lead's house in Seattle and her dad's house?

The male lead secretly replaced the tattered mainsail on the boat and raises it during the parade and somehow plays a slideshow on it featuring pictures of the female lead and her mom (her dad owns an old school slide projector). The judge of the boat parade fucking wipes away tears during this scene, which caused me to laugh out loud and wake up my wife.

[rass]

Lifetime aiming for a niche market

Emilia Martin (Humberly González), a cartographer of school maps, has plans for a cozy Christmas at home until her boss has a last-minute project for her, designing a novelty treasure map of the North Pole. Emilia decides to seek out the expertise of North Pole explorer Drew Campbell (Ronnie Rowe), who reluctantly agrees to help her. As the two work closely, they discover more than either of them ever expected.

[Ryan]

Is this in theaters?

[A_B]

Is this in theaters?

I'm imagining you as the boss, btw.

[Nonlinear FC]

That one seems totally unrealistic. The family owns a movie theater that is closing, and in one of the ads one of the sisters kisses some dude in the theater and is like “this is the first time I’ve ever kissed someone in here, tee hee”.

It’s fitting they filmed at the Tower Theatre. It’s been on its last legs for twenty years.

I think I've mentioned my wife is pretty into these movies, so, of course, I'm along for the ride as well.

I say to preface the following: These Sister Swap movies with the Williams sisters are somewhat adorable. HOWEVER, they ran the movies out of order for some unknown fucking reason and it was driving me crazy watching the second one last night. Like, all this exposition and backstory is coming out in the second movie, which made the first movie a little weird and hard to follow.

I know no one on the planet gives a shit, so there won't be some Variety longform explanation of what's going on here, but it was a little surreal to see these flagship, much advertised movies run in what really felt like some kind of colossal fuck up sequence-wise.

[rass]

I didn’t realize until the other day there were two of those sister swap movies, both from this year? I did see there is a sequel to one of last year’s movies, Christmas House.

Also there has been a RLC sighting, premiers Sunday evening.

[Nonlinear FC]

I didn’t realize until the other day there were two of those sister swap movies, both from this year? I did see there is a sequel to one of last year’s movies, Christmas House.

Also there has been a RLC sighting, premiers Sunday evening.

Yeah, for Hallmark it was actually a pretty clever concept. One focused on the sister reviving the theater (Kevin Neelon's) and the other movie focused on the other sister... I don't know, managing the other sister's restaurant while she was away and learning to love the job. The second movie was a weaker premise and that sister (the one not married to Brad Paisley) has crazy eyes and an overly large mouth.

Still cute, though.

[rass]

Not gonna watch the whole thing but the Queens accents are so over the top in A Royal Queens Christmas that I almost missed the female lead’s mom bringing a plate of “anteepast” into the female lead’s bedroom. This all happened less than 5 minutes in…

[Nonlinear FC]

Not gonna watch the whole thing but the Queens accents are so over the top in A Royal Queens Christmas that I almost missed the female lead’s mom bringing a plate of “anteepast” into the female lead’s bedroom. This all happened less than 5 minutes in…

Yeah, that was all a bit much. Also... Was the lead actress some producer's daughter or something? Not up to the usual cuteness factor I've come to expect from Hallmark.

[rass]

BONUS (non-HM) CONTENT

My wife really wanted to watch this one.

A Castle for Christmas



Pets: yes, this good boy - Hamish

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Quick review: Despite the obvious outlay of cash made by NF, (see the very recognizable stars, the Drew Barrymore appearances that bookend the movie, and the on-location filming) I didn't think this one worked all that well. The chemistry between Shields and Elwes was meh, and the trajectory of their relationship was super forced, even for a rom-com. The dog was great, though.

[rass]

An Unexpected Christmas

Gonna admit I think honestly enjoyed this one. There were a couple of earned laughs, she's perfect, and you'll be amazed at how horrible he is. If you have to watch one HM Christmas movie this year...

Trailer:


Cable guide synopsis: "A speechwriter makes a deal with his ex-girlfriend to pretend they are a couple to save his family's Christmas. It's not long before both the ruse and their feelings catch up with them."

Location: Fulton, IL

Realism of location: Fine I guess?

Primary setting: Male lead's family home. The Fulton, IL train station.

Relationship categorization: holy shit this fucking guy

New Love or Rekindled Love: rekindled

How the couple meets: So he broke up with her a couple of months earlier because he was a sad sack over sucking at his job and she was doing great at work and he "didn't want to hold her back". But his family loves her, and his grandpa died right around the same time this happened, so he didn't want to make them even sadder so he never told them. When the plot dictates that they show up in the train station of his hometown at the same time, his family assumes they arrived together. And she goes along with it! Despite still having feelings for him! And then after he puts her through all of this shit she STILL likes him. The contortions this thing goes through to try to keep him likable when he's actually (when you stop for a second to think about it) treating her like dogshit is crazy.

Female lead physical profile: fucking adorbs

Female lead signature look: Oh man oh man the dress she wears for the first 15 minutes or so of the movie is GD amazing. The leather skirt and white sweater combo the next day is great, too.

Female lead personality profile: Absolutely the nicest most understanding person in the history of the world.

Female lead confidant(s): She has a co-worker who serves some exposition opportunities but that's about it.

Male lead physical profile: No beard, and MUCH better than last year’s look (though he still is a really skinny dude)

Male lead signature look: Cardigans! At least two or three large-knit, bulky ones, and then another in a different style. I really liked the reddish one and would definitely wear that myself. Otherwise, there is an unfortunate brown coat with front-facing pockets and a zipper so huge it looks like it could be used as a bottle opener.

Male lead personality profile: My wife mentioned he seemed a little Chandler Bing-ish and she wasn’t wrong.

Male lead confidant(s): Mostly his sister (who is smart enough to figure out something is going on between the leads). He does have separate quick "how do you know when it's love" conversations with his grandmother and his dad.

Admittedly shallow rating of the appropriateness of the relationship based on purely physical terms: No one is good enough for her and he repeatedly puts her in an awful (or at least awfully awkward) position but they work as a couple.

Snow: lots

Quality/realism of snow: Despite all the snow on the ground a fountain is featured prominently in one scene and isn’t frozen at all

Representation: The male lead’s sister is a gay divorcee (she’s divorced because her wife didn’t want to adopt a kid and she did). She later hits it off romantically with the male lead's female co-worker (supervisor?).

Precocious child: The male lead’s sister’s son (the kid has a real sweet tooth), but he's at best a secondary character (not a major plot point).

Pets: no (though the female lead receives a painting of a cat)

Baking: Sugar cookies were made (off-camera) just prior to the lead couple showing up.

Source of conflict/break-up after the leads fall for each other: I mean, she obviously still likes him despite him being a wishy-washy sap and then he gets even sadder when he thinks she got another promotion at work and pretty much blows her off and tells her to catch a cab to the train station.

How the break-up is quickly resolved: The male lead somehow saves his job and writes a great speech after getting drunk on Christmas Eve and when his family is all sad Christmas morning because they miss her they jump in a minivan and chase down BJL before she can leave town. She's decided to pass on the promotion and travel less for work and "put down roots" and then they make the fuck out in the train station.

Open mouth final kiss: Oh man did they ever get after it. Whoa!

Recently deceased relative: The male lead’s grandfather, who really loved Christmas.

Consumption of alcohol: The female lead asks the male lead to buy her a drink at a jazz club where Al Capone used to hang out. When everything finally goes to shit on him the male lead drinks wine directly from the bottle on Christmas Eve in his sister's she shed.

Obviously fake cups/mugs of hot liquid: Yes, on multiple occasions. We even see actual hot liquid being poured into mugs at home but they seem to be empty later in the scene. The male lead's family's home decorations lean heavily on Buffalo plaid, and the leads repeatedly visit a coffee shop that serves drinks in Buffalo plaid paper cups.

Snowball fight: no

Ugly Christmas sweaters: no (though the male lead's family wears Christmas tree light adorned vests at one point)

Christmas music: The male lead’s family does a karaoke performance (a bastardized version of Good King Wencelas). Then an uptempo version of Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairies accompanies the frantic multi-part chase to keep the female lead from leaving town at the end of the movie.

Silver Fox: no

Does Santa appear: Yes, three of them playing saxophone (Jingle Bells) at the...

Town Christmas tree lighting: Yes, but they only showed a tiny portion of the tree. They clearly saved some money on not producing an entire centerpiece of a town celebration tree.

Montage: no

Celebrity cameo: Jackie Joyner-Kersee is supposed to be in town (related to female lead's job, long story) but can't make it and has a video call with the female lead to apologize.

General Observations: BJL gets a massive hot dog from a street cart and then chews during the ensuing conversation but the hotdog does not appear to have been bitten.

Weird possible HMEU moment in the Capone jazz bar where another frequent HM actor showed up and was given camera focus just long enough to ask the maitre d where his party was (he provided the name of who he was looking for), and then he stepped out of scene just as our male lead came back from the bar. (OK I googled it)

One one point BJL snorted when she laughed. Oh boy was that cute.

[rass]

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[rass]

Shit. Just found out this years Lacey Chabert flick is set in Ireland (my wife’s ancestral or spiritual homeland). I guess I’m doing at least one more of these.