Real or The Onion?

Post by **brian** » Wed Jul 03, 2013 11:14 am

I missed this thread and this is the perfect link to bring it back:

Curler suspended for doping

ZMan · Post by **ZMan** » Wed Jul 03, 2013 3:35 pm

That's some dedication. He 'roided up for games he wasn't even participating in.

P.D.X. · Post by **P.D.X.** » Tue Jul 23, 2013 3:53 pm

PETA wants to commemorate chickens that died in traffic accident:

Steve of phpBB · Post by **Steve of phpBB** » Tue Jul 23, 2013 5:28 pm

Did they make it to the other side?

The Sybian · Post by **The Sybian** » Tue Jul 23, 2013 7:46 pm

Steve of phpBB wrote:Did they make it to the other side?

Of all people, Steve, I expected you to have some sympathy...

DSafetyGuy · Post by **DSafetyGuy** » Tue Jul 23, 2013 9:28 pm

The Sybian wrote:
Steve of phpBB wrote:Did they make it to the other side?
Of all people, Steve, I expected you to have some sympathy...

Why, were the chickens on bikes?

Scottie · Post by **Scottie** » Tue Jul 23, 2013 9:44 pm

DSafetyGuy wrote:
The Sybian wrote:
Steve of phpBB wrote:Did they make it to the other side?
Of all people, Steve, I expected you to have some sympathy...
Why, were the chickens on bikes?

Straight as boom.

Pruitt · Post by **Pruitt** » Wed Jul 24, 2013 6:07 am

The Carlos Danger story...

http://www.newyorker.com/online/blogs/c ... -wife.html

Post by **Sabo** » Thu Jul 25, 2013 1:59 pm

Greg Oden Suppresses Severe Shooting Pain All Over Body During Meeting with Heat

Johnnie · Post by **Johnnie** » Mon Aug 26, 2013 5:37 am

Well, it looks like BOTH. (This is from 2008.)

howard · Post by **howard** » Tue Feb 11, 2014 9:39 am

Illinois partners with The Onion to push Obamacare enrollment

The Sybian · Post by **The Sybian** » Tue Feb 11, 2014 10:52 am

howard wrote:Illinois partners with The Onion to push Obamacare enrollment

"Recently insured man can't wait to get out there and start injuring himself." Best ad ever.

EdRomero · Post by **EdRomero** » Mon Jul 07, 2014 2:52 pm

Ravens Warn Rookies To Save Some Extra Money For Bail

testuser2 · Post by **testuser2** » Tue Aug 05, 2014 9:33 am

Michigan man throws a party

sancarlos · Post by **sancarlos** » Tue Aug 05, 2014 10:00 am

German court agrees to end bribery trial of Formula 1 boss Bernie Ecclestone in exchange for a $100m payment

rass · Post by **rass** » Tue Dec 02, 2014 7:29 am

Buzzfeed hires Clickhole editor

Post by **Shirley** » Tue Dec 02, 2014 9:34 am

rass wrote:Buzzfeed hires Clickhole editor

I honestly can't tell if that's real or not.

A_B · Post by **A_B** » Thu Dec 04, 2014 8:19 am

Stressed out CVS back to selling cigarettes after only three months

rass · Post by **rass** » Thu Dec 04, 2014 8:39 am

Obama Calls For Turret-Mounted Video Cameras On All Police Tanks

Brontoburglar · Post by **Brontoburglar** » Mon Dec 15, 2014 5:20 pm

15-Year-Old Duchess Of McComb, AL Announces Pregnancy

I just laughed really, really, really hard.

Post by **brian** » Mon Dec 15, 2014 5:54 pm

Company sells 30,000 boxes of shit to consumers who were told they were buying shit; some consumers surprised to receive actual shit

Johnny Carwash · Post by **Johnny Carwash** » Mon Dec 15, 2014 6:05 pm

Do people who browse Uproxx have such delicate sensibilities that they can't handle seeing the word "shit" in print?

Post by **brian** » Mon Dec 15, 2014 6:26 pm

Johnny Carwash wrote:Do people who browse Uproxx have such delicate sensibilities that they can't handle seeing the word "shit" in print?

That was a close second in my list of favorite things about that article.

Johnny Carwash · Post by **Johnny Carwash** » Tue Dec 23, 2014 1:04 pm

Christmas At Home With The Family Ruined By Family

RESEARCHERS at the International Research Institute of Studies for International Research Studies have confirmed that the vast majority of Christmases spent at home with the family is absolutely fucking ruined by families.

(Irish Onion equivalent)

Jerloma · Post by **Jerloma** » Tue May 05, 2015 1:24 pm

Auburn woman files federal case against all homosexuals

An Auburn woman calling herself an ambassador for God and his son, Jesus Christ, filed a federal lawsuit Friday against all homosexuals.

Sylvia Driskell, 66, said in the suit that she is petitioning the U.S. District Court of Omaha to be heard "in the matter of homosexuality. Is homosexuality a sin, or not a sin?"

In a seven-page letter framed as a lawsuit, she cited Bible passages that described homosexuality as an abomination and against nature, and she said never before has the nation or the state been "besiege(d) by sin."

"Will all the judges of this nation judge God to be a lier [sic]?" Driskell asked.

She said she petitioned the court because she feels it imperative to stand up for the moral principles on which the nation was founded.

tennbengal · Post by **tennbengal** » Tue May 05, 2015 1:35 pm

Jerloma wrote:Auburn woman files federal case against all homosexuals

An Auburn woman calling herself an ambassador for God and his son, Jesus Christ, filed a federal lawsuit Friday against all homosexuals.

Sylvia Driskell, 66, said in the suit that she is petitioning the U.S. District Court of Omaha to be heard "in the matter of homosexuality. Is homosexuality a sin, or not a sin?"

In a seven-page letter framed as a lawsuit, she cited Bible passages that described homosexuality as an abomination and against nature, and she said never before has the nation or the state been "besiege(d) by sin."

"Will all the judges of this nation judge God to be a lier [sic]?" Driskell asked.

She said she petitioned the court because she feels it imperative to stand up for the moral principles on which the nation was founded.

You should cross-post this to the politics thread, Carson or Huckabee may have found their VP.

howard · Post by **howard** » Tue May 05, 2015 1:43 pm

or at least their attorney general

tennbengal · Post by **tennbengal** » Tue May 05, 2015 1:48 pm

howard wrote:or at least their attorney general

Like.

Jerloma · Post by **Jerloma** » Tue May 05, 2015 1:49 pm

I'm not a lawyer, and I'm completely partial to the female form in matters of sexual attraction, but I would actually pay $ for the opportunity to represent the defense if that thing ever went to court.

govmentchedda · Post by **govmentchedda** » Wed May 06, 2015 10:34 pm

Tiger and Vonn's breakup

rass · Post by **rass** » Wed May 20, 2015 9:10 pm

Bud
Light
Lime
Lemonade
-arita

The Sybian · Post by **The Sybian** » Thu May 21, 2015 8:54 am

rass wrote:Bud
Light
Lime
Lemonade
-arita

To the Craft Beer Thread! It has to be better than the Bud Strawber-ita.

Johnny Carwash · Post by **Johnny Carwash** » Thu Jun 04, 2015 8:02 am

91-year-old man fulfills his lifelong dream of driving through a garage door

Gunpowder · Post by **Gunpowder** » Thu Jun 04, 2015 8:36 am

Johnny Carwash wrote:91-year-old man fulfills his lifelong dream of driving through a garage door

Whatever, this guy did the same thing a few months back:

http://www.naplesnews.com/news/crime/95 ... -the-wheel" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

Johnny Carwash · Post by **Johnny Carwash** » Wed Aug 05, 2015 6:27 am

Actual African guy politely explains why he and his people don't particularly give a shit if a lion dies.

In my village in Zimbabwe, surrounded by wildlife conservation areas, no lion has ever been beloved, or granted an affectionate nickname. They are objects of terror.

The American tendency to romanticize animals that have been given actual names and to jump onto a hashtag train has turned an ordinary situation — there were 800 lions legally killed over a decade by well-heeled foreigners who shelled out serious money to prove their prowess — into what seems to my Zimbabwean eyes an absurdist circus.

PETA is calling for the hunter to be hanged. Zimbabwean politicians are accusing the United States of staging Cecil’s killing as a “ploy” to make our country look bad. And Americans who can’t find Zimbabwe on a map are applauding the nation’s demand for the extradition of the dentist, unaware that a baby elephant was reportedly slaughtered for our president’s most recent birthday banquet.

We Zimbabweans are left shaking our heads, wondering why Americans care more about African animals than about African people.

howard · Post by **howard** » Wed Aug 05, 2015 6:48 am

He sure understands Americans; he must've paid attention the five years he lived in the US.

rass · Post by **rass** » Wed Dec 02, 2015 7:46 am

Dr. Carson

howard · Post by **howard** » Wed Dec 02, 2015 8:56 am

there is some valid internal logic to that. but still

The Sybian · Post by **The Sybian** » Wed Dec 02, 2015 12:41 pm

howard wrote:there is some valid internal logic to that. but still

I wouldn't be remotely surprised if the Onion article was the source of the idea within Carson's camp. I would think refusing to let them into the US based on misguided racist beliefs would color their judgment of the US, but what do I know.

Pruitt · Post by **Pruitt** » Mon Dec 21, 2015 7:14 pm

This Is Enough To Make Me A Huckabee Supporter

$67,000 a year to send your kid to kindergarten. Oberlin.