The Swamp

- I have not thrown up since 1996.
- I have not set foot inside a Wal-Mart since about 1999.
- I have consumed less than the equivalent of one cup of coffee over the course of my life.
- I have never watched a Julia Roberts movie in its entirety.
- Every Mormon person I have met, I have liked.
- I never use the drive-through at fast food restaurants, unless I'm with someone and they peer-pressure me into doing so.

-1612 weeks and counting of hating John Elway
-1612 weeks and counting that I have had at least one wank
-30 seconds and counting that I have spent/will spend trying to dispel/remove any wrong thoughts that may be linked to the first two statements.

Johnny Carwash wrote:- I have not thrown up since 1996.
- I have not set foot inside a Wal-Mart since about 1999.
- I have consumed less than the equivalent of one cup of coffee over the course of my life.
- I have never watched a Julia Roberts movie in its entirety.
- Every Mormon person I have met, I have liked.
- I never use the drive-through at fast food restaurants, unless I'm with someone and they peer-pressure me into doing so.

I threw up last night.
I was in walmart last week
I have had two cups today
Seen most of them
Even the door knockers?
Drove through yesterday at lunch.

AB_skin_test wrote:

Johnny Carwash wrote: - I have never watched a Julia Roberts movie in its entirety.

Seen most of them

I could name a lot of them, but then I tried to remember how many I've actually sat down and watched from beginning to end, consulted IMDB, and didn't come up with too many:

Hook
The Pelican Brief
Ocean's Eleven

I think I might have seen Ocean's Twelve, but I'm not 100% sure.

Of those, arguably only one of those is a Julia Roberts movie.

rass wrote:

AB_skin_test wrote:

Johnny Carwash wrote: - I have never watched a Julia Roberts movie in its entirety.

Seen most of them

I could name a lot of them, but then I tried to remember how many I've actually sat down and watched from beginning to end, consulted IMDB, and didn't come up with too many:

Hook
The Pelican Brief
Ocean's Eleven

I think I might have seen Ocean's Twelve, but I'm not 100% sure.

Of those, arguably only one of those is a Julia Roberts movie.

Went and consulted...had seen about 20 of her movies. Probably closer to half, but still classified as "most" i guess.

I've never gotten a speeding ticket.

With the exeception of a couple of years when I fasted completely during Lenten Fridays, I have had cheese in one form or another every day since I graduated college in May of 1997.

One year, 10 months, 20 days without a cig.

Giff wrote:One year, 10 months, 20 days without a cig.

But who's counting?

AB_skin_test wrote:

Giff wrote:One year, 10 months, 20 days without a cig.

But who's counting?

I remember my last drag like it was yesterday. Not a day goes by where I don't want one. Bummer.

I have never watched more than five minutes of any of the following television shows:
American Idol, America's Got Talent, So You think you can dance, Survivor (any of them), Bachelor, Bachelorette, Big Brother, any Real Wives of... show, the Kardashians show, the View, Glee... I'm sure I would hate them all.

I have not had a McDonald's hamburger in over 10 years.

govmentchedda wrote:I have not had a McDonald's hamburger in over 10 years.

I haven't had any fast food burgers in 22 years. Holy fuck, I was going to say 12, but it has been a long damn time since I was in high school. Only reason I remember is because I ate Burger King the day after I returned from my exchange student trip to Russia. After eating real (though often barely palatable) food for so long, my system couldn't process the artificial shit. Sick for 2 days, never eaten it again.

Giff wrote:One year, 10 months, 20 days without a cig.

I will be 9 years on May 1st...

devilfluff wrote:

Giff wrote:One year, 10 months, 20 days without a cig.

I will be 9 years on May 1st...

Nice.

I hate myself everytime I touch fast food. Except for In-n-Out.

Not really proud, probably should be horrified, but I realized my senior year of college that I didn't go sober for a single calendar week my entire 4 years. Certainly not something I tried for. That even includes periods of extended illness, mostly due to partying and lack of sleep.

The Sybian wrote:Not really proud, probably should be horrified, but I realized my senior year of college that I didn't go sober for a single calendar week my entire 4 years. Certainly not something I tried for. That even includes periods of extended illness, mostly due to partying and lack of sleep.

Amateur. I don't even think I've done that since college.

I've had like 4-5 swallowers in a row (unfortunately only over the span of like 2 years). However, I had never had any up until the streak started.

P.D.X. wrote:I've had like 4-5 swallowers in a row (unfortunately only over the span of like 2 years). However, I had never had any up until the streak started.

Maybe I am in the minority here, but I never got the appeal of a swallower. As long as I bust a nut, I don't care where it goes.

A spitter stops too early.

The Sybian wrote:

P.D.X. wrote:I've had like 4-5 swallowers in a row (unfortunately only over the span of like 2 years). However, I had never had any up until the streak started.

Maybe I am in the minority here, but I never got the appeal of a swallower. As long as I bust a nut, I don't care where it goes.

What if she points it at your face?

P.D.X. wrote:I've had like 4-5 swallowers in a row (unfortunately only over the span of like 2 years). However, I had never had any up until the streak started.

Ahh... single guy issues!

\jealous

sancarlos wrote:

P.D.X. wrote:I've had like 4-5 swallowers in a row (unfortunately only over the span of like 2 years). However, I had never had any up until the streak started.

Ahh... single guy issues!

\jealous

Unfortunately I'm currently on a 5-month streak of nothing-to-be-proud-of.

govmentchedda wrote:A spitter stops too early.

Ah!!!! Epiphany moment. Can you tell I have never had the experience?

The Sybian wrote:

govmentchedda wrote:A spitter stops too early.

Ah!!!! Epiphany moment. Can you tell I have never had the experience?

Glad I could be of assistance. Beats working on a gorgeous Friday afternoon.

I have not eaten at KFC for over 35 years.

Because that would be too long.

devilfluff wrote:

Giff wrote:One year, 10 months, 20 days without a cig.

I will be 9 years on May 1st...

17 years in July. I miss it daily.

The Sybian wrote:

govmentchedda wrote:A spitter stops too early.

Ah!!!! Epiphany moment. Can you tell I have never had the experience?

I used to think the same as you until the first time it happened to me.

And I'm pretty positive I haven't gone a week without getting drunk since September 97.

bfj wrote:

devilfluff wrote:

Giff wrote:One year, 10 months, 20 days without a cig.

I will be 9 years on May 1st...

17 years in July. I miss it daily.

Me too. I hate riding the elevator down with the smokers at work.

Never dated a spitter...

devilfluff wrote:Never dated a spitter...

It's kinda insulting.

Yeah I've only dated one spitter and pretty much dumped her once I found that out. I honestly think/thought that like 98 percent of chicks swallow.

not sure if this is good or bad these days.

Have never fucked a virgin.

degenerasian wrote:not sure if this is good or bad these days.

Have never fucked a virgin.

You know, either have I. Like George Costanza said, you never want to be first. They always remember the first, and I don't want to be remembered. I've never fucked a virgin either, though I was a super-Catholic girl's first penis she ever touched. Shockingly good HJ with very little coaching. Just out of a 3 year relationship, and the poor sap never got beyond kissing. At least it wasn't all side-hugs for him. Never pursued a virgin, rather have someone more skilled and less self conscious.

Spit? Swallow? What are you guys talking about? I've been married for 10 years.

I haven't thrown up due to drinking in over a decade. I haven't thrown up from other reasons in almost a month.

mister d wrote:I haven't thrown up due to drinking in over a decade. I haven't thrown up from other reasons in almost a month.

I haven't thrown up from some other reason in over a decade. I haven't thrown up due to drinking in almost nine months.

I really did throw up last Thursday.

I can't remember the last time I threw up from drinking. It's probably been close to 20 years.

As for non-drinking times - there haven't been too many of those either. I don't get sick much. I'd guess I've thrown up for non-drinking reasons no more than about 10 times in my life.